I have no Idea where To start im filled with all of these new..well old feelings that ive always wanted back in my life, and now there here and at the same time I feel like everything is starting all over from the start, but yet thats were Everything got messed up in my life..its at the point where My life took the wrong turn, and i just sit back and think that maybe now that i no whats going to happen..maybe..just maybe i can change it, but i cant cuz its not me that messed it up..it was other ppl. and i mean Im FINALLY feeling how ive wanted to feel for the longest time...I feel like i have the old me back..most of me wants it but some of me doesnt becuase of everything that happened..and of what if going to happen..I feel so blind of not noticeing before and everything I hate it but yet i love it..I hate how that one person doesnt make me happy anymore. only to find that he brought back the old me..but he only seen so much of it..I love who i used to be so much..but yet i hate how I can only be the old me around so many ppl.and thoes ppl have no idea...I should stop talking about this cuz there is so much bad things..like lies.one already came back to me..and yet how much of a private person i was..how quite and sad i was over the things that troubled me..and then the good things..how i always was smiling..and it was always real..how i could just do things without thinking and not care..and how i would just have so much fun..and even out of the most broingest things i would make myself have fun..i would dance like a retard in the middle of a croud if that what i wanted to do..i wouldn't be scared of walkng up to a person and asking a question, i wouldnt mind getting dirt on my cloths, or in my hair..i wouldnt care about a lot of things..and I dunno..I guess I changed to who i am now cuz i got hurt to much..and now im so serious with my life that i dont want to get hurt..but the last few days ive been the old person..the person i used to be ive loved it...I mean sure i wasnt the old me ALL the time i would fade back and forth but Now that i thinking about it the things that made me be that person..are the things that i never wanted to go back too..the things that i've been trying to get away from and the things that hurt me the most..and the memorys that ive had the most..the ones ive kept in my head..the things that first started me out to cut myself..and now that there coming back,..i dunno if i wanna be myself again..but thats how i am around these things and i dont understand..there so much more i would like to get out but i'd rather not. Ive had 3 sleepovers in a row the first one was at my house with Mac and Katie we slept in a tent and everything lol it was great times there too..I had soo much energy and i dont think i ever really got to go all out with it, and i hated how my parent never went to bed! ugh! lol *there here* yeah it was nice seeing you ladies again. The next night was at my house again..but just with katie and that was fun too, Chad and Cooper came over that day ..Devon shane and Colby too..but yet they didnt really...lol they came but had to leave right away It sucked how it rained that night cuz i really wanted them to come..lol right Katie? oh well though our messages were awesome lol well i think so. The next noght was over at Katies house and again it was just me and her we wanted to sleep in her tent but it was too dark to set it up, so yeah. It was a fun night too..Mac Brad and Kev were over, it was nice to see those guys again at least once in the summer u no? ugh i dunno lol its was weird cuz i was my old self untill they showed up..and then..i like changed. I didnt like it to much but thats okay.. yeah It was always a very fun night with Katie and such. I liked being with her I havnt in the longest time and its nice to get back with your best friend over a year or so like that..maybe not a year but it sure was a long long time I missed it and now its all good..well i hope so anyways. But yes..i have a dental app. today in an hour and i must be getting ready seeing i just left kts house not dressed, so im still in my pj's. i'll write soon hopefully! Love.You.xoxo. Billy