Dillon....You were one of the onlys..and now..now u want to leave. do whats best for you and what will make it easier. I just want you to know that i will never forget you. I will still be thinking about u...I cant even go on my computer without thinking of you. its to crazy not to...and now u want to stop talking and everything is left..all of the memorise. i get what ur trying to do. but it just hurts thats all. I luv you so much, ur my husband...ugh, what am i kidding you wont read this, and even if u do it wont change anything, cuz u already know what i think. It just kills to lose you like this...Miss you. I havnt wrote n forever, one cuz my comp is a bitch and well, yeah the internet is messed and only works if u refresh it for 10 times, only to get one pg and then click on a link n go all over again..but yeah then for another cuz b4 my internet went i didnt have much to write about. now im not sure.. i've giving up on alot of things really, on my dreams..my goals, friends, family..just alot of things cuz i just dont care anymore. I mean i do care about them, its just i dont care if they want to treat me badly or drop me. or things like that, i wont care and im not gunna be the one going up to them and trying to make things right when they did what they did, cuz it would be like me appolizeing for something they did to me?..and that just doesnt work that way. im tired of being so nice and letting things go so easily. Im just sick of being the one whos always nice, the one that if someone yells at just smiles back at them. now i just dont care...and then there's this one thing, I dunno but right now i dunno her feelings about it all. but she just drop me like i didnt matter and she seemed all happy with everyone else she was talking to and with and having alot of fun. so I just took in the pain of loosing her and let her go be with the people that made her happy. I dunno I mean she told me that i was a good person, that i made her happy on some days, and i remember this one convo i had with her, super long time ago but still, we were talking about who we coukd go without and who we would really miss if they moved away..I for one, was someone she would miss if i left..now i left and she noticed yes. but if i didnt tell anyone or mention anything but what i read...and just acting like her not talking and ignoring me, never saying a word always leaveing me out, she would be right were she last was about a week ago..but I cant stand letting a "friend" go n do that, im just disapointed cuz i no what a great and fun and really awesome person she can be, but when he just kinda calls her friends "old" and getting sick of doing the same things over n over and droping them in a instint kinda hurts. I know me n her had this talk about how thinsg were ALWAYS the same n we were both getting bored and wanted to move on. but me like i said..i just CANT do that. You have other friends ur haning with them, ur doing great..me on the other hand..giving up u was hard enough...loseing Dillon..even harder..but u..i never did much with others at lunch. it was always u. now its like day after day i have no idea who to be with. I know just as well as u do i can go n be with others..but its hard. and im not saying that I can never be friends with u again, cuz ur awesome as a person, just sometimes..ur disapointing..and u might think..wow how lame is she to say this on a web site and not in person, but i no that im not gunna be the one talking to u..and i no that if u were to say anything...well not "anything" but ask about this. or we i was just be all bitchy to you, probably say sum harsh things. and Beleive me..I wouldnt be nice about any of it, Nor would i care at that time if u walked away real hurt, im not saying that i dont care about u.. its just u hurt me enough this year to even start caring on what i say. Theres so much i can write here..I just dont know were to start, I mean there my parents..not getting along well these days and i mean yeah its life and i no with them its nothing to big and will end there relationship cuz i no they both love eachother its just. wow i dunno they've both just been REALLY fed up with things and just leave things everywhere and expects me my sister n my brother to just clean it up..my sister on one hand wont, my brother just doesnt even care nor do i think notices..so it leaves me and lately its been really hard, to wash all the dishes unload n load thsi dishwasher, cook food( not all the time but these days there not making dinner so i just make stuff for me n my brother) and vacume like i always do, still do my homework n yet I know it doesnt seem that much, but really i have to pick up after ppl living here and it sucks cuz i shouldnt have to be doing this..and thats just family stuff. then you get into friends..which i talkd about up there, but I was thinking the other day about how many friends i really do have n Fariview..like that i will call and do stuff with, it wasnt that much. and then i was thinking that really the friends that i do have, they've back stabbed me once or twice b4..some havnt but then again for the ppl that have and then the friends that i keep losing, it just hurts and makes me wonder if i should just keep trusting anyone, I know that i should cuz there my friends and that I love some of them more than enough, its just I always want whats best for them and they know that, sometimes whats best for them, its the worst for me, they have to try n hide what they did and i find out and..i dunno, its just one big long thing for me hard to explain. then u get into things like skewl..i dunno which high skewl i want to go into, cuz i can go to Beav. and be really happy and have a great social live, have my friends back and everything..or i can go to Central and hate alot of the people that go there. be n a shit whole like i am now and just work on skewl work n get good grades to go to univercity or somewhere u no?...ugh. Its hard, cuz i know if i go n be happy my marks will still be good but not as good, and i know that if i go to central i can make other friends and what not.. its just confuseding to explain and what not. I miss you Dillon...I keep seeing "bye bailey" in my head over n over n hopes it was all a lie. .XoxO. Bailey