ive never ran away from anything.. untill now and its almost like i cant stop. i want to so badly but i know its wrong and I just cant. I wish he knew me better.. then he would understand but he doesnt so it just hurts more. after i hang up that phone its almost as if the last person just let me go and didnt try to even help. but it wasnt that way.. it never was. He just doesnt understand how to. Theres nothing better for me then to go n do what i've been wanting to do.. but i cant. it would just me running again and i cant do that.. not with this.,. and not now. it involes to much so much things to the point where it doesnt matter what i do because everything is here all at once and im gunna have to reck something to stop it.. but thats not me either.. someone was right about me, someone that i didnt think would have been. but he was.. he told me what i choose to do was gunna be hard... but then this other thing.. i never knew it was gunna be this hard to top every other thing off.. it was going easy untill the past month thought it would change.. but i cant see it doing that. then i make things busy for me to think maybe it would get my mind of it.. but it just made it worse.. it used to be once a day i wasnt busy it would come.. now its every secound im not busy every minunte im away from it all.. it just hits and thats ten times worse then it ever was.. but i shouldnt care, i should just let it happen.. and see what it becomes in the end.. see what happens, with everything , see what i will do with my life and what i will deiced, see what i will start doing to things i would never do.. Theres only one way to put this..and those words arent made for this feeling.