I Just Need To say how fucked up things are and how everytime im happy it always hurts someone else. I thought for once that it wouldnt have happened but it did and i hate it. Hurting others makes me feel like shit, but as much as it hurts me i doubt i will fix it because im sick and tired of loosing people that matter over someone else. Family life is shit everything is wrong. Ive never cried so much and i cant take it its just all at once these things come down and then i just break over the smallest things too and i just cant seem to pull myself up anymore. I hate being at skewl and i keep pulling myself out of the things that would make me have fun but as it is i cant even handle that anymore because the last few times ive gone out n had fun ive just found myself walking into another fight when i got home, Worst of all everthing that i have problems with always seem to relate to my past with the school n what not and as much as i miss it i NEED to let go its as if i've stoped living and i hate it, it feels like im watching people around me grow up and have then move on as i just sit and changed but still stuck in the past i move on as if the days dont matter and i dont know how to make it change or stop, i just dont know how to let it all go. I cant feel anything other than thoes certain things even when i tried it doesnt feel real... or even if it matters, when out of all my problems the ones that i cant really feel should be the most important.. I wrote that in s.s today and really i havnt been having the best month ever and.. it could be longer than that but still, ive never been so happy for summer and yet not all at the same time. Im 15 now and i hate that fact i still feel 13.. my sister is moving out soon and to me it doesnt feel like she shold be cuz it doesnt feel like she has grown up when really she has.. not just that but when she goes i know that i will have my parents pick on me even more cuz i will be the oldest in the household out of the kids and i know for a fact when my sister leaves i wont be seeing her to often.. and as much as she bugs me i really need her sometimes. and then theres Cooper.. and im still so lost when i look at him and i worrie sometimes.. and when i just said that i almost froze and i felt so weird the rest of the night cuz i never wanted it to come out n now more than ever i need to know if i do or not.. and if i do then.. what does it mean with the other one.. or if i still do.. ugh eff. i hate this sometimes.. .XxoO. .Bailey.