I dunno..like fuck i cant take this anymore. I want to just have a nice..LONG relationship..i dunno what is with me. hes just a guy which b4 i was saying that he should break up with me cuz im always to busy for him and i feel bad. and that he doesnt need me...today i really saw that he didnt..he was so happy. i dunno i just feel like i Bring him down, and I had this feeling like he was gunna dump me ALL day and even a little bit yesterday for sum odd reason, and it was really okward the whole day..like when i said hi and what not, he didnt say anything back untill i asked him how he was..UGH this sucks. i mean i was thinking all yesterday and how i wanted to tell him stuff and how i wanted to change just for him..and now i dunno about anything cuz i dont think he really likes me anymore..then again after i almost cryed about a millon times today the 2nd last peroid ( math ) he just happends to wait for me and then hug me, and then we kissed... it made me feel oh so much better. and then i saw him like 5 mins after and we did the same thing, i asked how he was and he said good you? i said good only cuz it was the first thing that came to my mind..i really didnt no what i was feeling at that point. I mean through out the whole day it feels like we were just avoiding eachother and then for that to happen??..i dunno if everything after math was just all for show, and to make me think he wasnt gunna do it? :S. ugh..i dunno what to think anymore..and then I have to talk to Chris tomorrow..maybe. ugh fuck..i mean i hate this and i know that hes just one of my boyfriends, that i have had, i should be used to this ending..but im not.. and not with Brett. I really like him and didnt realize it untill now..Like im gunna stop ALOT of things for him...but yet i dont think he gunna realize it unless i tell him..but i cant, i mean i cant tell him that im sorrie for being such a bad gf, i cant tell him i sorrie i never had the time, and i cant tell him how im trying to change, and that he is..or was..gunna come first for me, and that i would cancle things for him..and that i was gunna call him more..and try to do more things with him..find more things to say..i cant tell him how much i wanna be with him..I cant tell him how great it has been to me..and how im sorrie for being so stupid. Now more than ever i cant say any of that..only cuz i have no idea if he still likes me..and if he doesnt..then he should end everything i mean i dont want him to stay with me if its not makeing him happy. I mean its pointless to do that..Its not JUST that im gunna lose him..its like loseing 3 other friends with him..i dunno but i HATE loosing people..and Brett..well he makes me feel like i belong..like when im with certain people i just feel like im just"there" but when im with Brett, and Dylan and Daniel and Derek..i dont. I dunno im messed:S i think im over reacting..oh man i dunno anymore i just want to talk and for everything to be better..then again im just gunna try and get through tomorrow..u no that today on the bus he was sitting there and asked Daniel to do something, and than Dylan..but no not me..ugh. I have alot going on right now. I just wanna not do things for awhile.. *Bailey* *.Love.You.Always.Xoxo.*