i better update. saturday- we all left for winter retreat. yay! it was awesome. pam came and got kim and i and took us to the church. then we packed all our stuff and after everyone showed up..which was about 20 teens plus our 4 youth pastors..we left. all the guys and kim rode in the church van (about 15 people.) then tish, megan, sam and i rode in lisa's car with her..and the rest of the girls rode in another van with mary-ellen. when we finally got up there we registered, then unpacked. there were 12 girls, including lisa and mary-ellen (our youth pastors) and we had our own cabin. it was sweet. then across the camp were all the guy cabin's. there were around 10 other youth groups there besides ours. so..the guys from our youth group shared a cabin and then the girls from our youth group shared a cabin. it was awesome. anyways. after we got unpacked and stuff it was time for dinner. so i walked across camp with casey and some of the other girls and we met the guys up there. it was pretty good. then we all got ready and left to go to chapel..which i was really excited about..and it was AMAZING. i can't even explain it at all. and the speaker we had was so awesome. wow. and after service was over they had a comedian guy there who did a show for all of us. and this guy was better then any other comedian i've even heard..even the ones off of Last Comic Standing and Blue Collar Comedy. oh yeah..and when we started praying..both casey and i went up to the front..it was amazing. i gave everything to God. everything. and the one thing i needed to give to him was my friendship with lauren..everything about it. and i think i did. i finally was able to trust him and know that i can't take care of it anymore..that it was just too much. and i was so relieved after that. and braden sat beside me. and it was our 6 month anniversary. yay :-):-) i love him. he's my best friend..and i've finally figured that out..he makes me more happy then anyone. and he would never hurt me like lauren does..and he's always there..and when i'm with him i can be myself, and sometimes i can't with lauren or anyone else..and when i look into his eyes he makes everything go away, the whole world just stops. wow. i really do love him. but anyhow. we left and went back to the cabins..and braden and i took a walk in the dark and he kissed me..twice. we would have more but we found out we weren't suppose to. then he walked me back to my cabin. then all of us girls just hung out allll night. it was soooo much fun. i felt like i could be myself with them..like none of them cared. i don't know. it's different being around Christians..it's awesome because you don't have to worry about gossip and popularity or anything like what you worry about at school. everything's different and everything's better. sunday- wow..so much happened sunday and i can't even really remember all of it. we got up and went to breakfast. then went to chapel which was awesome. it's always the best part. ALWAYS. then we came back to the cabins and hung out..then ate lunch. then went back to the school, where we had been having chapel, because braden and a bunch of the other guys from our youth group had signed up to play 3 on 3 basketball. YES..braden signed up and it was so funny too because he sucks at basketball...but he tries. haha. anyway. his team didn't end up winning the tournement but our other guys team with chris, john hebb and john hill did. so that was cool. we were all very pround of them :-) hmm..we all went back to camp and ate dinner..i didn't really feel good (but that's a whole other story.) then we went back to the school for an AWESOME/AMAZING chapel service. wow!!!! it lasted until around 12:30 in the morning..then they had a bunch of stuff for us to do..like a huge pizza party, a late night show thingy, and all this blow up stuff in the gym. it was cool but i didn't feel good and neither did sam, megan or melody. so yeah. i still had fun..well as much as i could. it was 1 something by the time we got back to our cabin's and all of us girls stayed up past 2 then finally went to bed after someone knocked on our door. haha. we're bad. monday- our last day :-(:-( none of us wanted to leave. even though i didn't feel good..still..i wanted to stay for the entire week. that's the worst part..having to leave these things and go back home (the one place i was very happy to leave) so yeah. but anyways i skipped breakfast since i wasn't feeling good. so i packed up my stuff while everyone was gone..then they got back and we loaded the van..and we left and went to our last chapel. and i think it was one of the better ones. i really felt God and knew that everything was going to be okay. i know he's going to take care of everything. and i'm not going to let him go this time..like i did after church camp this past summer. i've made a promise to myself and to God. after chapel we left and on the way home we stopped and ate at wendys. some of us went across the street to taco bell though. tish came home with us..and i took a shower.. unpacked some..got online..then called lauren and talked to her a little. i told her a little bit about retreat. and then pam came over and i had to babysit megan. then tish left and braden called. i love him. that's about all. except for today and yesterday. all i did yesterday was watch megan and TRY to rest. i can't remember what else. oh..umm..i talked to braden on the phone A LOT. i do love him verrrry much!! today i got up, ate something, then went outside and brought up a whole bunch of wood for my dad. then came in because my mom made kim and i grilled cheese and soup. yay!! and pam came over and i had to watch megan again. that's about it. later.