i don't really feel like talking about how today was. the only good part was when alison came over this afternoon. we hungout here for a little bit then went to walmart..tried on all the hats, sunglasses and shoes that we could find..and took lots of pretty pictures of ourselves :-) :-) yay!! i was hoping to do something with braden but according to his mom all he's done lately is, "go to band, sleep, eat, and hangout with ashley" so i don't think we'll be spending as much time together anymore. i think part of the reason she said that was because she's stressed out. braden's grandmother has cancer and it's been hard on all of them. braden has avoided talking about it with me, and i know that he probably doesn't want to, but i know that it's really hard on him. i'm here for you. always. i love you. anyways. i missed lauren a lot today and tried calling her twice. no luck though. surprise, surprise. i wonder if she misses me at all. what if she doesn't? i hate that. god, why have i let her become so important to me. you ask me why i can't let her go and i can't give you an answer. at least not one that makes any sense to either of us. i hate knowing that she might not miss me as much as i miss her. when someone talks to me and i could care less whether or not i keep talking to them or not, i wonder if that's the same way she feels whenever she talks to me. did i ever mean anything to her? why won't she return my phone calls? i refuse to believe what might be the truth. that she just doesn't care. but why would she not care? how could she not care? what did i do wrong? why am i not good enough? there has to be something. i've tried so hard the past couple days to answer all of these questions. i can't stop asking myself why i'm not good enough..or what did i do wrong. and as much as i try, i can't stop missing her. megan i just want you to know that you are one of the strongest people i know. you'll get through this. and sara and i are here to help you. we love you meg :-) we've always been here, and always will be. braden left me the best comment ever. i loved it so much and it definitely made me happy. i love him :-) :-) you make everything so much better.