well..i guess today was okay. it was a very happy day :-) i like happy days. all my classes went pretty well. tomorrow i have a major biology test and math test. for both of them i really have no idea what i'm doing so i think that i'm pretty much screwed tomorrow. so i don't know. tara and i wrote each other twice again today :-) she's really awesome! she might come with me to youth group tomorrow night, and after talking to lauren online tonight, she might end up coming too. she said that she canceled her tutoring so that she COULD go with me, but i just found out that she did that so who knows. i want her to go with me though. tara has to work until 5:45 and she could still come because i mean, youth group's from 7-8:30. i think she's afraid to go though. i hope she ends up going :-) i really, really want her to. oh yeah, i burnt tara a cd last night and i spent forever on it so she better like it :-) lately things have been weird with lauren and i. but i talked to her tonight online. she hasn't been on forever. annnnndd i told her everything that i felt. well, most everything. but she's the one that brought it up. and at first she got mad at what i said but i think, for the most part, it went pretty well. i think her and i always fight about our friendship and why it seems like she doesn't care, because both of us really DO care about our friendship. if we didn't then i don't think we would keep fighting about it..trying to fix it..i think we'd just give up on each other. but i think both of us know that we need each other and tonight she actually showed me that she does need me and that she IS afraid of losing me. it kind of surprised me too. but i don't know. here's a little part of our conversation: blu2skyz4: do you realize that things aren't the same blu2skyz4: with anything notSOtall10587: what do you mean? blu2skyz4: with us..and with a lot of other things. like, some of my friendships with people are getting stronger and some of the ones that were strong are just kind of there. sort of. blu2skyz4: but i don't know notSOtall10587: well honestly dont take this the wrong way notSOtall10587: but I almost feel like you are somewhat pushing away or giving up effort on our friendship notSOtall10587: like I know you've always made more effort b/c that's how you are notSOtall10587: I just let it happen notSOtall10587: but I'm just saying blu2skyz4: wow. i could say so many things right now but i won't blu2skyz4: acutally..no..i'm going to notSOtall10587: no say it notSOtall10587: all of it blu2skyz4: i will..even though i know you'll get mad at some of it..but just remember that YOU are the one that brought this up notSOtall10587: I know blu2skyz4: first of all...i am NOT giving up on our friendship!!! god, i would never do that!!! maybe it seems that way bc i have been writing tara and SHE has actually written me back!! all this week i have probably distanced myself from you bc i have realized that tara does things. i write her, she writes me back...and sometimes i feel like YOU don't care about our friendship. and i could seriously go on forever about why i think so but i won't. so..please..don't tell me im the one giving up..when sometimes you dont even try! - and as you can see..that's when i totally blew up at her. but i really do love her. like, i would never give up on her and i told her that. she is an awesome person..and a good friend, when she wants to be. notSOtall10587: well whatever see if I come to lunch tomorrow blu2skyz4: yeah..i knew you'd get mad blu2skyz4: so whatever blu2skyz4: you brought this subject up so i really don't care blu2skyz4: and YOU freaking told me to tell you everything blu2skyz4: that i felt blu2skyz4: and i freaking did notSOtall10587: I know notSOtall10587: I did blu2skyz4: so don't get mad now notSOtall10587: I'm not mad at you blu2skyz4: YES you are notSOtall10587: I'm embarrassed and mad at myself notSOtall10587: ashamed to be around you anymore notSOtall10587: b/c of me - i thought the last part was VERY interesting. okay, well i'm going to go. later bittttches!!