up until lunch i was having an okay day. it wasn't the best, but it wasn't the worst either..i guess you could say it was normal. but anyhow. lauren came to lunch with me and it made me verrry happy. as always. and after i ate we went out into the hall, but we had a "disagreement". it wasn't technically a fight because there was no shouting or anything involved. but i got mad and i knew she was mad too..and i didn't want to just sit there in silence so i stood up and told her that i was just going to go back into the cafeteria. but when i got up she asked me why i was going back in and i told her that i knew she was mad and that we weren't really talking anyways. so yeah, if she wasn't mad before then i think THAT made her mad. and when she didn't say anything i just turned around and walked away. i don't think she knows how hard it was for me to just walk away from her. i really think that she hates me now. actually, i know she hates me. and i know that i shouldn't care..but i do. it's killing me, i don't want her to know that, but it is. all night sara has been talking to me, trying to help me with everything. god, i don't know what i would do right now if she didn't care as much as she does. i probably would've been crying all night if it weren't for her. i love her so much! she has no idea! none at all!! god, i love her! she's amazing! sara beth, you're so amazing! i talked to braden earlier tonight and i don't know how it went exactly. i really couldn't tell you. sara could, considering i sent her all of the conversation..but i don't think i could. i don't think i could tell you how any of my friendships OR relationships are going right now, except my friendship with sara and megan. but that's all. i wish i could put all of the conversations that i have had tonight on here. the ones with sara and braden..but they are too long. okay, well im out. too tired and upset right now to really write anything..besides how i actually feel, but trust me, that would be very depressing :-(