i've been sitting here staring at the screen forever now because i don't know what to write. i know that i NEED to write though, because it always makes me feel better, i guess it just doesn't seem like enough right now. i don't understand why things happen the way that they do. how i can have an amazing day with the one person that has always been there for me (braden), and another one that wants to be (jamie)..yet still long for that one person that has never really been there in the way that i've wanted and needed her to be. the one person that has rarely ever been a true friend. right now, this very second, i hate her more than anything in the entire world. i hate her for never being there when i've needed her..all the times she's ever hurt me..telling me that i was her only friend she had that was worth having for a best friend..not caring..not being as amazing as sara or megan..never returning my phone calls..and not trying at all. she once told me that you couldn't hate a person unless you hated everything about them. so i guess, maybe, i can't hate her..because as i sit here, despite all the bad things about her, i don't hate everything about her..although, i wish i did. i almost feel like i'm screaming inside, but all of it is everything that i wish i could scream at her. i know that i can't though, and i hate that. i don't want to talk to her at all right now..i just wish she knew how much she hurts me all the time. i give up on her! i always told her that i never would, but i do..and you probably don't believe me, because maybe i've said that i was mad at her before..but i've NEVER said, "i give up on her!" ever. but i am now. i'm not talking to her unless she comes to me, and even then, i honestly don't know. right now, i could care less if i ever talked to her again. i wish she would just care for once..but it's her loss, not mine.