i got to sleep in this morning because i had a doctors appointment at 9:00 :-) which i didn't mind at all, considering i haven't gotten to bed before 12:30 the past two weeks. so it was nice. my surgery is FINALLY scheduled!! june 8th. it's a couple weeks away, but at least it's sooner then before. i got to school at the beginning of 3rd period and we had a test. i believe that i did very well on it :-) yay! then i went to spanish. blahhh! lauren came to lunch today :-) most of the time i talked to allie though, because lauren was working on her math..which was fine because she knew something was wrong and i honestly didn't feel like talking about it. then whenever i was done eating she asked if i wanted to go out into the hall, like we always do, and i was like, "not really, because then i'd have to talk and i really don't want to." and she was like, "okay, it's up to you." so we just stayed there. she continued doing her math and i kept talking to allie, pretending i was okay. the entire lunch period i was trying my hardest to keep my mind off of everything by either talking to allie or something. when i stopped, even for a second, i started thinking about everything and i guess i must have looked really sad at one point because when i glanced over at lauren she was sitting there staring at me, and she was like, "smile." so i gave a little smile and she looked really sad and was like, "not a fake one." and i just looked at her. then, with like 2 minutes left til the bell rang, she asked me, again, if i wanted to go out into the hall with her and i decided that i would. when we got out there i avoided looking her in the eyes and acted like i was looking down the hall so she wouldn't really have the chance to ask me what was wrong. two seconds before the bell rang she looked at me and got ready to say something, but then it rang..thank god..so she was just like, "bye ash." and then walked away. part of me almost wishes that i would have gone out into the hall with her the very first time she asked, not because i wanted to give her the chance to ask me what was wrong, but because i really did want to talk to her..about anything other than what was wrong with me. ya know? because i miss her, and i know she's not coming to lunch tomorrow and probably won't be at school friday because of crew. so yeah. right now, i guess i wish that i would have gone out into the hall with her. but anyways, i love her! she's my best friend! always and forever. my mom and i got hardees on the way home from therapy and i finally talked to her about what happened with laura and dad monday night at therapy. and she said that as long as dad was just "looking" it was okay..but if he "acted" on that, then he'd be gone. so i still don't know :-( when we got home i changed, and then drove to the church for youth group. i honestly don't have a clue what i would do if i didn't have my youth group. sometimes it's what keeps me going. anyways, it was really fun. i loved it!! and afterwards i drove braden home :-) yayyy!! and now i'm here. i tried calling tara earlier because i want her to spend the night with me friday..and her, travis, braden and i all go out somewhere together. but i guess i'll just talk to her about it tomorrow. ohhh yeah i almost forgot. lauren wrote me something today :-) i didn't even ask her to or anything, she just did. she knew i was having a really bad day so she wrote me telling me that she was sorry that she couldn't do anything to make it better..and that she was praying for me all the time...and that she loved me a lot..and that a lot of other people did too..and to stay strong and stuff. it made me so happy, you have no idea. i love her sooooo freaking much!! i also gave tara one of my shirts today :-) she picked the one that said, "Marietta Nazarene" and it's black and red. she's wearing it tomorrow..so if you see her, that's MY shirt :-) be jealous! p.s. i miss lauren. i'm burning her a wonderful cd right now so she has something to listen to this weekend on the crew bus..if she wants to :-) i hope she likes it. i love her! well, that's all. later hoes!!!