wow i really need to update.. but to be honest..this weekend was kind of a blur. a lot happened but i don't know. SATURDAY- pam ended up spending the night because her and my mom were suppose to sing together during church sunday morning. so i got stuck sleeping on the floor in kim's room. SUNDAY- got up and went to church. ummm..came home and i think i watched megan for a little bit then my mom, pam and i went back to church for evening service. i sat with the teens and my mom and pam sat somewhere behind us. so anyways. towards the end of the service i looked back and saw my mom walking out of the sanctuary..and then a couple minutes later i looked back and both her and pam were gone and i figured they had just taken megan somewhere because she needed her diaper changed or something. so after service i went out to the lobby and pam was standing by a door and she came up to me and said that my mom was having a seizure and that she was about to call 911. and i don't know if it was because i was in shock or what, but i just looked at pam..smiling..and was like "hmm..really?" it was really weird. (then i started remembering the time when my mom called kim and i from the kitchen and when we got there she was on the ground having a seizure and my dad wasn't home so i had to get help..and after that day she was in the hospital for more then a month..and we almost lost her.) and i got really scared..because she hadn't had a seizure in like 5 years. so after 10 minutes or so of everyone coming up to me and asking me questions and stuff i just lost it..i broke down and started balling..not crying..BALLING!! and casey..a senior from my youth group who i got closer to during winter retreat..came over, hugged me and told me everything was going to be okay. (she calls me her little sister and i told her she reminds me of lauren..who is like my big sister..so she now calls herself MY big sister) but the whole time i kept telling myself, "i wish lauren were here..." i wanted her there more then anything. she's always been the first person i think of and want when something happens. but anyways. pam and i left after the ambulance came and took my mom to the hospital. we ended up back home and pam and i finished cooking dinner. and my mom came home after a while and was okay i guess. MONDAY- we had a 2 hour delay so classes went by extremely fast..and i didn't get a chance to see lauren at all. i don't know. braden's getting mad because he thinks i'm retarded and need to find another best friend or something...but ya know what..NO, I'M SORRY BUT IT'S NOT HAPPENING. lauren's awesome..i love her. always. but anyhow. i wrote her about my mom and how i wanted her there more then anyone in the whole ENTIRE world..but i never saw her..figures. but i wrote her today about it and gave it to her. yay! i was going to call her tonight..actually, i was hoping i would be able to buuuut here's what she said.... blu2skyz4 (3:43:43 PM): hey. i really want to call you tonight..just to talk i guess..so if you see this before you go to crew or something will you im me and let me know if i CAN call you tonight around 7:30 or 8 Auto response from notSOtall10587 (3:43:45 PM): homework notSOtall10587 returned at 3:52:57 PM. notSOtall10587 (3:53:02 PM): I have crew and then class tonight notSOtall10587 (3:53:18 PM): plus I still have to finish my hw...I have to do all tonight and tomorrow nights hw b/c I'm going to columbus tomorrow blu2skyz4 (3:53:25 PM): so you won't be home until late notSOtall10587 (3:53:39 PM): I'll be home around 8 or 830 but I have to finish my hw blu2skyz4 (3:54:00 PM): gosh...i reallly miss you notSOtall10587 (3:54:09 PM): I have had so much hw assigned for this week its insane notSOtall10587 (3:54:13 PM): next week should be better notSOtall10587 is away at 3:54:17 PM. blu2skyz4 (3:54:44 PM): so...you can't go to youth group tomorrow Auto response from notSOtall10587 (3:54:45 PM): homework blu2skyz4 (3:55:00 PM): well...yeah..you're going to columbus blu2skyz4 (3:55:02 PM): nevermind notSOtall10587 (3:55:03 PM): no I'll be in columbus notSOtall10587 returned at 3:55:03 PM. notSOtall10587 is away at 3:55:08 PM. blu2skyz4 (3:56:29 PM): well...i miss you. hopefully..maybe we can do something next week. Auto response from notSOtall10587 (3:56:29 PM): homework i miss her more then anything. really. anyway. i told braden on the phone last night that he is the one and ONLY person that keeps me going..that IS keeping me from giving up. there's sooo much that is going on right now that only he knows about. no one else. and he helps me a lot..and he makes me more happy then anyone..and he doesn't care if i'm crying on the phone (which i have been like the past couple nights we've talked.) i love him..i REALLY, truly love him. TODAY- ummm...last night i had like a break down thing which started with my mom and i getting into a fight on the way home from school about my grades..which..lets just say..weren't my best. but i think i was just mad because of pam moving in and me having to give up my room and a bunch of other things..here, lets just make a list of SOME of the things that have me so stressed out at the moment.... 1.) i miss lauren..and you'd have to know everything that braden and i have talked about in order to really understand. 2.) i'm worried (actually, if there were a word that i knew that was stronger then "worried" then i'd use it) about my mom. 3.) i feel like my parents don't understand that not being able to get online and use the internet just makes everything worse. 4.) the fact that i have to move out of MY room and share one with kim for a few months. i WAS excited..and i still kind of am..because i want pam to move in..just NOT into my room. i need my privacy..i need somewhere where i can go to be alone when i need to be (which has been a lot lately.) but without my own room i won't have that. 5.) i really realllly miss megan and sara. even though i know they're still there it's just not the same. right now at least. and i know that's my fault. i love you guys though. more then you know. ummm..i think that's it but i don't really know. peace out homies.