finally signed up for drivers ed this morning. my mom has refused to sign me up until now, all because of my knee. i'm not very happy about it, but yeah. then i came home, helped my dad paint the downstairs, came up and ate, then hungout around the house forever. braden called and we decided he was coming over. pam got here before he did, my dad made me clean up the kitchen so i was still doing that when he got here. then my mom left for praise team practice, and my dad and kim left for some concert thing. i got done with the kitchen then braden, pam and i left to go to The Rock!! it was okay. braden liked the worship a lot but we both thought that it was just too much. everything about it was i guess. but anyhow, we got there at 6:30 and left at 9:30 which was nuts!! we could have left earlier but pam talked to all these people forever. so braden and i waited. then we left, finally got back here, then braden and i left and went to wendy's because we were starving :-) yayy!! we ate and talked, then left. now i'm here and i'm extremely tired. earlier today, out of nowhere, my mom told me how she saw lauren walking downtown with some girl yesterday. and all i could think was, "who was the girl she was with? why wasn't it me? what's wrong with me? why won't lauren talk to me?" i miss her so much and i wish that i didn't. all i want is to forget about her because that's what she's done with me!! but i can't. our friendship wasn't always like how i told everyone it was. she wasn't always NOT there. all the long car rides just talking..spending the night at her house..going with her to a wedding and reception..playing soccer together..going to youth group with her and her coming with me to mine..going to church with her..talking about all the guys she liked. GOD!!! there's so much in the past two years that her and i have done..so much that i helped her through..and even more that she helped me through. stuff that she helped me realize about myself without even knowing about it. i couldn't even begin to tell you everything. but i wish i could!! you have no idea!! because maybe if i were able to you MIGHT understand why i'm having such a hard time giving her up. there might be a million reasons that explain why i should, but i can give you a million and one more why i can't. maybe you're right when you say that she's not my best friend, but she's definitely something. if she wasn't then it wouldn't be this hard. because you don't hold on to something that doesn't mean anything to you.