it's been awhile since i've had a good cry, but last night i found something out that i didn't really want to know..i guess it would have been better if i wouldn't have been nosey (sp?) but i was. and as a result, i ended up crying myself to sleep. i'm not telling you this because i want you to feel sorry for me, or worry about me...i just needed to write it down somewhere. i'm tired of shutting people out just because someone else hurt me..it just seems easier to sometimes..especially right now. i'm trying though...it's just hard for me to allow someone to be there. i've been avoiding people and shutting people out for different reasons..sometimes it's not easy to when i need someone there, but i hate burdening people with my problems and lately i've been too afraid to go to God about it but i'm not sure why exactly. i don't feel Him there right now...a time that i need Him there the most. i need God...but He's not there. i need lauren...but she's not there either. so what am i suppose to do? i have no idea. sara i know you will eventually read this, and i just wanted you to know that i really miss you..a lot. i hope you know that. and i'm sorry that i haven't talked to you very much the past few days, i guess i just haven't felt like talking to anybody really. but i love you..so much!! never forget that.