So you know how when one thing goes wrong in a day usually everything else goes wrong and then your days turn to shit. Well, I fucking hate those days and they happen so much to me that I'm like screaming. Everyone thinks that I'm so innocent, but I wish that I could just be like you don't have any idea. I mean I'm hurting so bad and I just don't let it show. I seriously scream on the inside every single day and people are like oh you're always so happy and I'm like yeah if only you knew the real me. Its a god damn act that I put on half of the time because I can't let people see me breakdown. Chanel's the only one that ever sees me cry because I hold back so much it sucks. I want to cry all the time and be who I really am. The weak one. I just wish that people understood. Just recently I've been very confused about life. If you've read any of my recent past entries, you would know all about that. I've starting to think into the whole creation of people and earth. All of the things running around my head are very confusing and I don't know how to take any of it in. I mean everyone has their own opinions about God and whether or not he is/was real. Its just weird how I've only starting thinking about this because of my English paper topic. I mean yeah I'm depressed and used to be suicidal and yeah I hated God after Jim's death but now that I wrote this recent topic I've been trying to figure things out. If you haven't noticed, I haven't gotten anywhere either. I just wish that I or someone else had some answers about everything. Like usual, no one does and I'm left to wonder. Well there's a lot more that I wish I could say but its more personal than anything so its time to hand write in my personal diary. Hope that you all are doing well