I am very self conscious about myself. I am also very jealous and very selfish which is getting me into trouble lately. I know that being jealous and selfish and self conscious isn't a good thing nor will it ever be. I don't know why I get that way but I feel like its wrong to act that way. I hate how everything I do seems to be the wrong thing. Lately I've felt as if nothing in my life could go right and it fucking sucks. I feel like everything that I'm accomplishing at this time doesn't make a difference to anyone. I feel like I've been going nowhere. I mean I've been out of high school officially four years last month and I feel like I've done nothing over that time. I still have twenty [maybe nineteen] classes left for my major and minor and I feel like I should be done already. Ugh, this blows. I also feel like I can't live without you. I know that we haven't been together that long, but seriously since I've known you I feel like things couldn't be more perfect. You mean the world to me and sometimes I don't always get the feeling that you feel the same way even though you tell me you do. I don't want things to change but everyone thinks they will when I leave in a month. I want you to always feel this way about me, but lately I've gotten this whole vibe feeling that you don't. This sucks because I'm scared to lose you but have a feeling I'm pushing you away :/ How come my family never talks to me? Its like I don't even feel like part of my family anymore. They only talk to me when they need a favor or need to borrow something. I'm like wow I can't even pay my bills lately how the hell am I going to help you. I feel like the minute I leave they're going to miss me but while I'm here they won't care one bit whether or not I'm ok. I hate how some people can be so self centered sometimes. I know that leaving next month is going to the be the best thing I could do for myself. I'll be three hours away so I could always come home but I definitely can't wait to go. I need a change of scene and a change of pace and just a change of everything. I'm counting down the days. Why can't I be a little girl again?