:: destroyed :: pain :: lonely :: lost :: hiden :: alone :: scared :: shattered :: broken :: empty :: hurt :: tears :: running :: death :: suicide :: afraid :: suffocating :: sucking :: falling :: confused :: waiting :: breathing :: memories :: lies :: war :: pretending :: So none of those words above will mean a god damn thing to you but those many words describe me perfectly right now. I don't know why things have changed all of a sudden but believe me, I wish that I had some goddamn answers or something. I treat people like shit again and push them away because if I ever went threw with killing myself they wouldn't be around to hurt. I do love my three friends more than anything because they are amazing people and you should love them too. I'm keeping names out of this for the sake of not excluding anyone or pissing anyone off. I just wish that I knew why things have gotten so bad again. Today in class I took notes but drew a lot of words in my notebook and I didn't really think about them. After I was done with class and really looking at them, I realized what they were and why they were in my head. They describe me and its actually kinda sad. I never really thought about it for the sake of not wanting to accept it but its true. I'm down again and this time its not good. The other night I thought about inflicting the pain again because I wanted to see the blood or taking all the pills so that I could actually get some sleep at night. Things aren't good and I'm scared. Its hard to admit but for the first time in months I'm not ashamed of the thoughts running around my head or the fact that I want to hurt myself to make sure I'm still living. Sometimes I feel dead and its obviously not on the outside. I feel like I'm shutting down my body and my mind and its not good. answers ?