My camping trip with Brian was great. It was nice to fall asleep next to someone and wake up knowing that he would still be there. We had a great time, or at least I did. He says that he did but part of that is hard to believe. I could see myself dating him but things are hard for me again. Its like just when I lest expect things to turn out a certain way they do and than I'm confused again. Steve and I aren't talking like usual. Why is it so hard for me to just completely walk away from that boy. I mean I know that he doesn't care, but yet I'm still fighting for it :/ I wish that I wasn't so stupid. Chris, who I used to have a slight crush on, said that we would definitely talk more outside of the canoe weekend, but I'm not sure I should believe that either. Ugh, I hate my life sometimes. I just want to meet a boy that I can fall in love with who will love me with everything in return. I want to meet someone that things I'm pretty no matter how I look and will always be there for me, even if I'm having a bad day. I want him to offer to stay in bed all day with me if I'm feeling against the world. I want a boy that will my hold and not be afraid to show PDA or act out like that in front of his friends. I want someone to help me not be afraid. I want him to ride up on his white horse in his knight of armour and save me from this rollercoaster ride that I can't get off of. Why does this boy not exist?