lately i've been completely and utterly broken. nothing is going my way and i don't know how to deal with it or what to think about it. i thought that things were going good for me and that everything was finally falling into place the way that it was meant to be, but boy was i wrong. things have taken a turn for the worse and i don't know what to make of any of it anymore. i thought that it was just me that was screwed up, but turns out it isn't. i just wish that i could go back to about fifteen years to a point in my life where i was happy. regardless of my dad leaving and him lying to not only me but also my brothers and sisters. to a time where i was a kid with skinned knees and no broken hearts and no disappointments. where i could play with the neighborhood kids and feel like one of them rather than actually being a lot younger. where my best friend didn't seem to care that i was a girl and my brothers were both around and looking out for me. ugh ... life sucks major ass. i talked to adam last night on the phone for twenty-five minutes and it was nice to have a civil conversation with him and no jokes. he listened to me and it helped to have a friend around. he said that he had bad news and i asked what and he said that in november he was going back to iraq for a year. i seriously wanted to cry. i mean when he first went over there i was fine with it because i didn't really know him and he was chanel's friend and i only had talked to him a few times. don't get me wrong though, i was worried about him a lot. he came home in january and we drove down to north carolina to see him and spend a little bit of time with him and i got to know him. he's a great guy. the week after we come home steve has to leave to go back to japan. while he's in japan he finds out that he's going to iraq. so now i have to deal with the guy i've been in love with for five years going over there. i'm worried sick about him, but there's nothing i can do other than hope he's ok. he comes home in september just for adam to leave for italy in october and then iraq in november. i'm heart broken that this is happening to people that mean a lot to me. i mean i knew the war was going on and i knew that people were fighting for our country but it never hit home until i personally knew people going over there. i miss steve everyday and will be glad when he comes home just to miss adam like crazy. ugh :/ i'm sad there's another thing going on that i don't want to talk about :/ there are two good things happening though. on friday after work i'm going up north for another weekend away. i get to miss stefani's nineteenth birthday party at the lake though. i'm just glad that i get to get away again and that it'll probably be the first and last time i'll go up all year. we're taking both dogs so that'll be a pain but oh well. i guess lucy has to learn to be able to ride in the car for more than a half an hour at a time. let's hope that she holds off on getting sick this time. buddy went to the vet on friday and turns out he lost about four pounds which made me extremely happy. he's back on his medication and we're hoping that he can lose about seven more pounds. keep your fngers crossed for my baby. i don't want anything serious to happen to him but if he doesn't keep losing weight than something might. i'm really worried about him. so i'm thinking about selling my concert tickets on e-bay. the veronica's had to cancel the tour and i was only going to see them. i mean, i despise ashlee simpson. my tickets are pretty much going to waste. its good to know that spending over a hundred dollars on them was pointless. we were sitting tenth row center too. luck definitely isn't on my side lately. life blows well i gotta go take a shower and try to sleep tonight :/ i gotta work bright and early in the morning. oh yeah and in case you noticed my livejournal had a make-over, its not staying like this. i messed it up some how so i'm working on fixing it.