so since i still have my livejournal and still write in it, i figured it was time for an entry in here since reading one of my livejournal friend’s entry, i really started thinking about what she wrote in there. i won’t say names and no one will read this anyway but i stare at my blog on here and feel like sometimes i should put some of my thoughts into words and say something of importance, or little importance, depending on how you look at it. in her entry she talks about friendships and being scared of change. i read the whole thing never once feeling sorry for her and what she’s gone through, but feeling sorry for myself and for the many things that i’ve had to let go of in the last year. friendships that you so desperately try to hold on to knowing that nothing you say or do can change what you did to that other person. in specifically, hurting her because she hurt me in more ways that she’ll ever understand and hurting her because she stopped caring about me. its like people always say you’ll be friends forever, but when my brother died, i stopped believing in forever and a part of me knew that those friendships would never last and none of the people that i was friends with a year ago or five years ago am i friends with now. life moves to fast to hold on too sometimes and i hate change but finally know that i need to change things with people that i have now so i don’t have to lose any again. i’ve learned a lot about myself in the last year and a part of me hates who i have become but loves what i’ve changed. i’m not doing the same things i was a year ago and its been about six months since one thing in particular. i’ve spent more time with my family even though i despise them most of the time. i’ve learned that my only way out of my house and away from things here in michigan is to finish school; whether it still be in michigan or some place else. i know i need to finish and better my life so that i can move on and venture out on my own. we all know working at the community center isn’t cutting it, but five classes at school is tough. i’ve been reflecting a lot lately and i don’t know how i can put some of it into words nor do i want to share anymore.