I'm upset.

i told sal and Stephnie something really personal. And I am 99.9% sure they just went and blabbed it to people. Why wouldn't I think that? They are always talking to us about other people so what makes us different? Despite them referring to us as family. Maybe they say that to everyone. I thought we were closer.. That's the reason I felt I could tell them. But I guess I was wrong. But it's not like I can just ask because I know sal . He will deny it all day long even if it was true. And then turn it around on me making me.. pr at least try to make me feel bad for even considering such a possibility. How do I not have better friends by now? Uhg. I mean they aren't terrible friends .. But they sure aren't great. I think me and Tim have been wonderful friends to them. Helping when we can with no strings attached and never complaining about the double standards or one sidedness of it. But it gets so old.. Then throw in gossip and I'm done. I can take lazy friends who only put themselves first. Fine. But not talking crap behind our backs. Especially to people they are always talking about or claim to not even like that much or whatever. Stephnie is always saying how annoying Katherine and Laura are and then those are the people se confides not just her secrets but mine and Tim's? Lame. Complaining about them to me and tim and talking about them.. Of course they are doing the same to me and tim when with them. Idk why I didn't think they would. Trust too much I guess. There is a chance it was all coincidence . A very very very small spec of a chance. But I'll never know because I won't ask. How? How do I ask and get a straight answer? Maybe it's for the best. We've been friends years and things are still as awkward as ever. We could never bridge the gap. Idk why probably my fault I'm sure. And we never felt we could really say how we felt without it turning into an argument . I don't like those kind of relationships. I want to be able to ask my friend a question like "did u tell so and so about that thing I told I?" And get a truthful answer despite how they think I will respond. Because I would get mad .. That sucks. But I'd respect an honest answer more than a coward. It migt be ok for a while but if I ever found out they lied I wouldn't talk to them. But if they did say stuff an old me the truth I would be pissed but I could get over it. Eventually. They'd never say. Might as well accept the fact now that I am just friendless. Me and Timmy and that's all.

Anyways..

Good news - got a web gig. Pays $500. Should be pretty easy. Although it sounds a little tedious but whatever.

Tims training date was moved from may24 th to July 5th and now June 7th!.. And we still haven't moved out completely or finished updates... Or found a renter.. Or a place to rent... Nothing. Thought we had a whole month more.. And on top of that he got another job interview for a job in Santa barbara. Weird thing is the interview is the one day he has off work next week.. Things always work out like that for him. It's really strange.

Bringjng the cats to my moms tomorrow night. That'll be interesting. Dexter had just been startin to get more comfortable and then all this moving and renovation stuff happens and he's timid again. Now we're taking him to a house with a bunch of animals.. And choli hates my mom. And remembers her when she visits and hisses and gets really crazy and psychotic .. So that'll be fun.

Im tired

Mother's Day is Sunday ... I wa trying to get a card. But everything felt like a lie. I'm not getting a card that isn't true. She was getting better and now it's like she is going through menopause all over again.. And I was trying hard but now I feel like what's the point. I was going to arrange to fix the porch roof for her for Mother's Day but I don't even know if I want to bother anymore. She's doesn't appreciate anything and she is difficult and judgmental just for kicks. Where's the card for tht? Maybe I should make one.. And say happy mothersday... Try not sucking it up. Is there an equivalent to the lump of coal for Mother's Day? Christmas is to coal as Mother's Day is to.... Stems? Haha.. Sounds about right but I'd hate to waste flowers to prove a point. Kinda. Sometimes I feel bad like I don't give my mom enough credit and then she goes and reminds me how ridiculous it was to think such a thought.

And then throwing this stupid wedding anniversary.. What's the point? It's only been 5 years. And no one invited even cares.

I'm really bitter lately. Uhg. Ever since that billionth p test. Usually I snap back fairly quick... Not this time. Maybe I will be forever bitter and sad. That's what it feels like at least. Writing in sitdiary no longer brings me peace... I feel empty and alone.

Sitdiary with iPhone = lots of spelling errors.. Due to my man hands.. :/