Yesterday.
I built up the courage by talking to my mom and alisha..
and then I "broke up" with jason. But it shouldnt even be called "breaking up" anyways, because we never actually started going out.. i dont understand how someone can act like they are with somoene, and not just say it. Calling me baby and princess and being all over me.. I dont understand how someone can say and do all the things people say and do when they are together, and not be.. especially the things he said. I should have went off his actions. This last month has just been so crazy tho.. I guess I let it take over. like a lot.
I took a shower and then he called. I had writen things i wanted to say down. because i thought it would be a really hard conversaton, considering how "close" we've gotten. considering everything he's said.. i said the first part of what i wanted to say and he didnt even ask the questions or have a reaction like my mom or alisha said he would.. not even close. it threw me a little off.. he was like "so what do you want to do?" i said I wasnt sure i should be in a relationship and maybe we should stop seeing each other. there was like a short pause and then he just said "ok. i should go"... it was literally a 5 minute or less conversation. it was weird. he didnt even seem phased at all. i mean Im all for a little understanding, but gosh... it just hurt. if we had just dated, and thats it... it would be fine. i wanted it to happen.. no matter his reaction i wanted the same result... i guess i just didnt expect him to take it soooo well. kinda hurts.
i called timmy and talked about it. cried about it. and we hung out. saw a movie. talked alll night. i got home soo late because.. when timmy's talk or are willing to.. you dont shut them up. cuz cuz its nice. I'd write everythig we talked about, but its too much. even things i'd normally be angry about, i didnt care about.. i trust him. i dont think i could honestly say that before. maybe he needed to find out what he wanted, and i neeeded to learn how to trust. Theres still a fear inside me that i could lose him a second time, but I trust that we'll do whatever it takes not to let that happen. and whatever happens, it wont be because of us if anything does happen.
i love how open he's being. and its not just words. last night we prayed together (his idea and he initiated it :])and it was awkward because we've never done it before which is actually really sad, but it was good. and i think it'll become more comfortable over time.
i missed his timmy smelll.. MMmmMmm.
I'm happy.
alisha said jason called at like 10p and thought she was me and he was all like "heyy whats up?" like nothing happened. she knew i talked to him so she was like what the heck?? she siad it was weird cuz h sounded like nothing happened. she said i wasnt there and he asked when i'd be home.. she said idk and he said he'd call back later. he didnt. its weird. weird. weird.
Just because someone can wear a label, doesnt mean they're going to act the way or think or feel how you'd think they would.. and just because someone wasnt wearing the label all along doesnt mean they can put it on and be all the things that label represents, if its what they desire to do. Jason has a lot of passion... for romance and relationships and love.. and maybe he even had some passion for me.. and just me.. but i didnt see a passion for God anywhere. I dont doubt he loves God and is a christian.. but he's not doing anything to become a man of God. maybe he'll have to go thru something like what me and timmy went thu to find it.
until next time....
I ate too much candy!
Read 0 comments