Beyond pisses that is.
cant a girl catch a break?
freaking a.
you try to be professional. u try to work hard. you try to ignore people's arrogance and focus on getting the job done.. and what is the result of all the effort? almost getting fired for being called an idiot.
on tuesday mike and i had a confrontation while talking online. he was walking me thru some stuff and i asked how to get to where he was from where i was. it was a simple question. but he had to make it difficult. he is the idiot. but i held my tongue and waited patiently. and he kept "implying" that i was an idiot. and eventually said very coldly that he should start over so that he can go very slow so i'll understand. but it wasnt that i didnt understand... its that he is a complete MORON and doesnt know how to explain things. go to so and so .com.. ok got it.. o wait thats not what i meant.. i really meant this.. o wait thats wrong too. and then when i wasnt where i was supposed to be he asks me why? but he gave mea completely different website to go to than what he wanted. i cant read his mind. im awesome but im not that awesome. and after all the nonsense he finally just pushed it over the line and i disconnected the call. if i hadnt heard what he wanted me to do yet, i would have stayed but he told me earlier othe things he wanted done so i did those things. if i would have stayed i would have said something id regret and then theyd really have a reason to fire me. honestly it really hurt my feelings and its really upsetting right now. I just started and they were about to fire me for something that i didnt even evoke in the first place. i was the one who was disrespected and i was the one who almost suffered because of it. its crazy because no one even likes mike. everyone there gets along with me great from what i know of. i mean i like them. elaine said that theyve been having problems with mike. she stood up for me and its because of that and that alone that i didnt get fired. and im really grateful to her but i dont get why she'd even have to. ron is so passive aggressive. He's one of those poeple who will say your doing great to your face and then go complain about you. like this whole time i have no idea what he's thinking now. before i didnt think much of it but now.. i dont know what to think because during the whole elaine and ron argument, he brought up the google dinner. and used THAT as a reason to fire me as well. which i just find RIDICULOUS. because one, i had absolutely no way of getting there. and two, he presented it as an option and never once told me it was a requirement or mandatory or anything like that at all. but that is beside the point because i reeeeally did want to go but circumstances suck smetimes and its ridiculous to fire someone for that. or even factor it in at all. ESPECIALLY since i called and told him i would be late.. and then again when i realized i couldnt make it.. and he reassured me it was perfectly fine. very casual and whatever about it. and the next day, nothing told me he was upset. he didnt talk to me about anything like that except that i missed a good dinner. thats all. If i knew it was such a big deal i would have pulled him aside to apologize more but i cant read peoples minds for the 2nd time. i know i didnt get fired but it just pisses me off that i almost was. i worked tooo hard to get this job. i waited tooo long. i just feel very unstable right now. like it could be pulled out from under me at any second for the silliest things that i couldnt have even prevented. I would like to do good and improve and work hard.. but how do i know if its good enough when the feedback isnt real? i shouldnt feel so insecure about this job. if i did something worth being fired for.. i would accept the fact that he would or might. but i think i deal with mike very professionally. its not the first time he's made me feel stupid. but its the first time he crossed the line and was basically flat out saying it and it wasnt acceptable. i mean im sorry i have standards for how people talk to me. if they want crappy people like mike who have no standards working for the company.. fine. but im real. and im honest. and im a hard worker dammit. and i am likable. and try to be. mike isnt and doesnt. at all. and everyone agrees. i just want to be taken seriously about this and i feel like its just going to be forgotten and everyone will pretend its fine but if mike does something like this again and something like this happens.. they'll bring up this to add to it. and the google dinner. and its stupid. im in a crappy mood. how can u put on a pleasant face with the person who almost fired you for a stupid reason? well i did, and i'd say thats VERY professional. the bigger question is how can he sit there with the same face knowing he was going to fire me... doesnt he feel bad at all. i dont even want to go in tomorrow. when we were talking, me and ron, he asked how i liked the job. idk, maybe i read it completely wrong but it felt like he was trying to get me to quit. like he was giving me a chance to say i didnt like it or it wasnt working so he wouldnt have to do the dirty work. maybe not maybe not but it felt like it. and then.............
he gave us all a memo saying for every inbound link we get, we receive $50. Well. i got one from a blog. like posting on blogs. so while elaine was asking about her inbound links i said "i have one too!" and he was like where? and i told him and he was like "isnt that from a blog?" or something. and i was like yeah.. we apparently he is switching the memo to "all inbound links except from blogs" wtf. seriously WTF. and right in front of me him and elaine were debating about her inbound links whether she got 1 or 2 because one of them he like gave to her.. and after like 3 seconds of blah.. he gives in and says she got 2. what is that? that really made me want to kick things. like his face. AND THEN! i looked at the inbound link i had from the blog. thinking it was a post but it wasnt a post! no no.. it was on the contact page.. meaning it wouldnt disappear in a week..the only reason blogs were eliminated in the first place. so im going to show him and hope he is rational about it and if not.. i dont even really know.. because then i'll know its just about me. but it made me so angry that i went home and tried to get as many inbound links as i could so i could make like $500 in bonuses.. kinda like AHA! who cares if u didnt give me the link.. i got like 25 other ones. but i only managed to get 2. and i cant wait to hear the reasons for why those wont be counted. asshole. its sad because i liked ron. he seemed nice. cool. laid back. but i guess thats what happens when someone almost fires you for being called stupid by a jack ass. probably didnt even talk to mike about it. figures.
tim told me to maybe start sending out resumes again. not like all crazy like before but a few a week. just incase. maybe if something good pops up.. something better.. maybe i'll just start over. i know there are people like mike all over. thats not the issue. i can deal with that. i cant deal with sitting on the edge of my seat just waiting to be fired. i dont want to live like that. and u know. if i feel insecure about them firing me.. they should expect me to look. i mean.. im not big on double standards so why not make them feel a little weary about losing me too? not that i'd tell them. but if it got mentioned.. wouldnt deny it.
this doesnt make sense because its late and i am falling asleep. its all jumpy aroundy. but i dont care if anyone can understand anyways so if you cant dont try. you'll hurt yourself.
i love timmy. without him my heart would stop.
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