lots to talk about first of all.. I dont know what I am going to do about 4th of july... Some friends of our family are pyro people and do a show every year for either the mall or this place it starts with a d but I forget. And every year since I was around 10 or younger we go and get vip treatment and the best seats you could get. When my brother was home he would help make the fireworks. I used to want to do that alot. But i was too young. This year I was going to really watch and have them teach me because next year I will be 18 and I can actually do it myself. But this year Jay is going to be there making fireworks and whatknot. I havent seen him seen him in 3 years. I mean I have seen him in his car or even walked by him once... but this would be for hours and hours and although I wouldnt get weirded out by seeing him.. Its too soon to be around him like that... I dont think it will ever not be awkward.. why now? he wasnt there last year. And all of the sudden he wants to help again.. gay and stupid. I hate him. My mother told me that if I want mrs salz invited us to go with them for the 4th.. to a campsite with a bunch of people from my church. That would be fun yeah.. but its like tradition to go to the taylors firework show.. and I feel special being a part of the crew. I have only missed 1 4th of july with them because I was with my family in missouri. He ruins everything. ANyways. I was at the mall a couple days ago and daniel was there. we talked for a little and he called me but I was talking to brett so he said he'd call back and never did.. well until today at like 5. He confuses me like a carrot running a marathon. I would have sooooo many pictures but mrs salz hasnt given me the CD from mexico and I keep asking jenae to give me the mystery excursion pictures I scanned on her computer but she never answers me... and i dont have a scanner so I cant scan the ones from when my brother was home. I want pictures darm it! Church was pretty good on sunday. In the car I never think about what PM or PD will talk about and then I hear the message and its aimed at me and Im like what?! and I get all guilty and such. But this time on the way to church I was thinking about what PM and PD would talk about and I was all nervous cuz I knew it would be aimed at me.. and at first I was like here it goes again but then I remembered reading this thing last night about discipline and it was explaining what it was pretty much and I foret exactly what it said but yeah I remembered that and I was actually anxious to hear the message... still nervous but anxious... if that makes sense. And i was all prepared and PM wasnt there. So PJ pastor jonathan did the message. And it was really good. And it was aimed at me but instead of something like "you are wrong! feel guilty!" it was like reassuring me that I am not perfect and God loves me no matter what. Which is like duh and I know but sometimes in the midst of being an idiot and feeling guilty you kinda forget those things. And I felt like if I didnt please God I would get hit with a bolt of lightning but God doesnt only love me when I am doing good things.. he loves me all the time.. and thats just good to remember... I dunno. my yoga ball is deflating..... I am sick with the flu or something like it. Ski buena is tomorrow. I have to get up at 5:30.. oi. water and the flu dont mix. but o well.. I like innertubes! by the way. Brett is amazing. I think that everyone should have one. A brett. Too bad their out of stock and I got the last one. Brett puts the p in perfect.. cuz otherwise it would just be erfect.. and that makes no sense. i am done. bye.