Listening to: The Graduate- Sit & Sink
Today was weird. Tonight was nice.
I am sick. In the morning I woke up with a sore throat but it wasnt that bad. Got ready to go to look for jobs at the mall.
Manuel had a minimum day. Before my mom went to pick him up she told me that i am taking him to church and not to let him go anywhere before that. Then manuel told me he talked to her and she said noah could come over here.. and we could all go to the mall to look for jobs since noah needs one too.. well it just turned crazy. the original plan was to wait for noah.. pick up a video and some money at my moms work.. get gas..pick up timmy cuz he had a short day and was home early.. drop off the video on our way to the mall at hart.. and then go to the mall and then drop off manuel and noah at home and i guess noah would take them to church. well... then my mom said she told manuel to meet us at the mall. which was weird because the only reason i thought we were meeting at her ofice was to get the video and take it to hart which is right by the mall.. so why couldnt she just take it herself? its hard to explain how confusing things got.. and it was just a misunderstanding really.. but people got all stupid.. and everyone is innocent. and its hard because Im stuck in the middle of manuel and my mom. and its hard to know who is being honest with me because manuel lies about everything and he's lied to me about stupid things.. but thenits hard to trust my mom because i have been manuel before and no one would get on my side.. and it was the worst because she's the adult so.. you cant do anything.. even if she's wrong. and i dont want anyone to go thru wht i went thru with her. but i dont know. i think manuel just.. is stupider than i was with her. and she.. maybe she isnt trying to be.. but she gets more and more confusing as time goes by and she's always been controlling.. its kind of sad because i dont even think she sees it or knows how to turn it off sometimes. uhg it was strssful. we were on the way to her office and she was at the mall and manuel and her are screaming on the phone.. mostly her screaming and manuel wanting to die. so we are picking up tim and she says to stay there and she's picking him up andstuff. so me and tim go up to his apartment and manuel and noah are skating in the front.. and she gets there and we didnt even have to look.. we could hear them yelling outside.. and manuel got all crazy and was cussing at her and she was screaming and blah.. and him and noah ended up just leaving.. and she calls me crying and crazy. and idk... the whole thing was ridiculous. i mean i already went thru this my whole life.. i dont want to be init again. especially in the middle where i have to pick a side or always be on my moms like jason.. thats just a sucky spot to be in. i think they are both crazy. i mean if manuel were like me.. i would be allon his side. and i was.. but my mom has a good point aboutthe lying stuff. but dont want to be completely on her side either cuz i just cant. bah.
anyways, finally jeni saved the day and calmed everyone down.. haha jk.. but not really. we went to the mall and looked for jobs. jason showed up half way thru and picked up manuel and left noah with us. poor kid.
manuel said that when he was at the mall with jason and cambria, cambria was trying on a dress and her boob fell out.. it was just funny how he explained it. lol. but how embarrassing. i think i'd die. he said after that jason was like "ok we're leaving now.." i dunno it was funny..
anyways.. theeeeeeeeeen me and timmy take noah back to the house so he can get his truck and he leaves and we just hang out at the house. no oe was home so we got all cuddly. then we kind of got in a fight. but the thing about tim and jeni fights.. they never last long. later that night timmy said he had a good day with me and i was like "but we got all stupid and fighty" and he had completely forgotten. we got some quiznos and watched life aquatic and then we fell asleep from 9-12 cuz i am sickies and i was soo exhausted and timmy loves sleep so it works. MmmmMmmm i love the timmy smells... i wearing his shirt.
oh. not today but yesterday when me and tim were at the mall.. we saw dan from rop class a bajillion years ago. he looked.. weird. like the same. itwas weird. cuz he looked soo young to me. and short. and lame. im so glad nothing ever happened there. weeeoot. i love seeing people like that tho.. seeing like how theyve changed [froma distance of course] like at walgreens the other day i saw this kid i used to go to elementry schoolwith. i had a crush on him and his brother, mostly his brother.. they are twins. but yeah its weird, he looks the same too.
timmy makes me happy. he's being amazing to me. tonight when we went to quiznos i stayed in the car cuz it was cold and im sick. and i was watching this couple inside and you could tell they werent talking. and the guy was eating and the girl wasnt and i dunno.. he didnt seem phased. and she just stared ahead... and it was like 10 minutes of just that.. and when they left he didnt open the door for her or anything and they barely looked at each other but you could tell they were a couple. and i just got really thankful for timmy.. like the other day we were switching cars to go somewhere andhe got out of the car just so he could open my door :] its the little things. not that he never opens my door because, he actually has.. for 2 years. since my mom told him he should but i think he would have on his own. but just that he was already in his seat and got out to open my door.. felt nice.
Oh! And the most important thing! Its official! Im going with timmy to Colorado for christmas. Informed the mother and we bought a plane ticket last night :] it wsa reeeeeally expensive. but Im paying for half when I can. I cant wait. I mean.. Im a little nervous about aaron but me and timmy did our part and its not like thats all we're going to do.. but all we can do is try.. he has to be receptive and willing also. I just hope nothing crazy happens. i mean if anything does it wont be because of us, we just want to make things right. and i really do hope we can have a relationship with him again. not just timmy and him, but me too. kinda scared.. what if something happens and they all end up hating me?? bah.. i guess i shouldnt think about it too much.
the other day, i asked timmy if he saw the entry i wrote a while ago with a bunch of picture of us.. he said he justsaw the pictures of me in recent entries. so i showed him, its called "[1244] i might disappear". i was scrolling thru the pics and reading the captions and at first he'd say "i like that one" and stuff. but after a few, he stopped and i turned around and tears we're coming down his face. it broke my heart. i wish he saw it sooner. i wish i knew how he felt sooner. we wasted a whole month. becuase of misunderstanding.. because we were both so unaware of what the other felt.. maybe it wouldnt have mattered but i'd like to think it might have. we acted on what we assumed was going on instead of what was actually happening. i know we learned a lot but.. even now that we are together.. its hard to explain but i feel like i still miss him sometimes.. that month when i would push him out of my head, its like all the 'missing' built up inside and is coming up now.
i love him so much.
well.
I guess thats all for now.
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