ahg. Altho the weekend with jenae and vanessa was fun, in general the weekend sucked... due to the mother of course. She has a way of turning my world upside down with just one conversation, one sentence, one word. I play this teenage girl in the play I am in and she reminds me alot of myself. And the mom, played by elaine, is awful... and its easy to relate it to my own life. I feel like Im talking to my mom and some of the stuff Elaine says in character has been said to me before by my mom. I hate it. Even Elaine told me that my mom is driving her crazy. And more so for me recently. Its like she turned her "Im going to be evil" switch on extra high this month. But its ok. I decided since saugus is going to have crazy problems next year, I will just stay at ofl. Ups: I will get out faster and have more time for work. Down: No prom. O well. Dont have a date anyways. So much for a special day. gah.. But yeah, if I can finish highschool by december or even february.. I am moving out. I will be 18 and I really dont care if I am ready or not... I have no more patience. She doesnt beat me. She doesnt starve me but she is the most insanely immature adult and unpleasant person to live with. And she says I am like her. And you live what you learn and I DONT want to be like her EVER! So I need to get out fast before I turn into the shrew of a mother I have. But anywho, I went to kellys for the read thru. That was fun. I called pet adventure and I have an interveiw thingy tomorrow... well Im actualy not quite sure, he said "come in at 1:30" so yeah. I told Elaine and she said that they are trying to hire a new assistant for her where she works. She said I would be great. And it would pay way more. But its kinda far away but thats ok. Shes gonna get more info and call me tomorrow. I was excited and was an idiot and told the mother and she pretty much thru it back in my face. Shes like "Youre not going to work with elaine too".. she has this weird jealousy thing with elaine.. its rather childish. But thats the mother. I miss brett. Mike called me and I called him back. He just wanted to know what was going on with me and brett and such, so I told him. I was kinda scared that he would try to convince me to talk to brett cuz if he would have, I might have. But he was really encouraging and is a really good listener. I should go. bye. Im here agaiin.. and its late... and yes, I am about to rant and rage against a machine minus the machine part.. grr. I should change my diary name to complains alot because lately in this diary thing thats all I seem to do but it is my diary and I am just writing thoughts so thats my excuse. I have something on my mind thats been bugging me but I cant say anything nooooo cuz then I am psycho, so I will just complain in secret.... I hate boys. I hate girls. I hate boys and girls equally. I hate myself. yeah. I hate being tired. grr to tiredness. Why is everyone being so stupid? My mom... other people... my mom. Sheesh. its like stupid week. And the worst part is I am most likely the stupidest one of them all. family is never helpful when you need them. friends are stupid. and I am a crazy person. I am really going to consider calling up and insane assylum and confess to all the psychoness in my mind. AHH! Why do I care? Its not like it matters. It doesnt so its ok... whoa what a shocking revelation I just recieved. Nothing matters. Well certain things but really... nothing matters. nothing at all. Are you buying this? Im not. I really do just give up. I read Jenaes letter today cuz I forgot it was in my pocket and yeah, that made me giggle. Your a great friend mr. Jenae I love you. And thats about all I seem to know right now. here's a lovely song to end a happy entry: And would you tell all your friends, that youve got your gun to my head? This all was only wishful thinking. This all was only wishful thinking. bye.

holy geeesh its so late.. gnite.