Listening to: The Distillers- The Young Crazed Peeling
I don't deserve timmy.
I try. not hard enough.. But that's going to change.. trying isn't good enough. doing is the new trying.
I can't even leave him alone when he's trying to lay down and relax.. i was being annoying. and i got mad at him for no reason all day today. all day. it wasn't all day but i don't even know why. i feel like crying all the time. and instead i yell at people. I don't want to turn into my mother. tim says I'm not and I think he's right but.. for now.. i can definitely see it as a possibility. its starting to freak me out.
maybe i am crazy.
sometimes i want to cut again. i haven't in a looooooooooong time and my scars are still there but fading.. i mean i can still see them and I'm sure people can notice sometimes if they're looking, but I haven't noticed in a while.. until this week. its hard not to.
I don't know what I'd do or who I'd be without timmy, I don't know why I tempt fate. He is my family. my home. my future.
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