the ticking of the clock,
dripping of the rain,
out of the window i look,
with a long glare i stare;
into nothing,
for hours;
i stay frozen,
wishing someone might save me,
from what i've become,
different from what i've wanted to be,
its nothing;
i can't see,
hush;
i want lies,
tell me nothing's wrong,
and i'm always happy;
no pretending,
i use those excuses,
they get me everywhere,
although i'm still here staring;
out of my window;
not moving.
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the blade sratches my skin,
blood rushes to the surface,
as tears flow from my eyes,
and i can feel all of my pain,
which controls me,
when my angel died,
i still fear what she was,
as i cut my skin; deeper.
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i'm there in the corner,
the blood stains the floor,
and i don't remember why,
i just took the knife to my skin,
i didn't think twice;
i just wanted to feel pain.
today i watched t.v;
seeing perfection,
all the pretty girls,
i know i'll never be them,
i have all my dreams;
they are just nightmares.
later i'll pull at my scabs,
blood will stain the floor again,
and i'll forget why;
one more time,
b/c i don't think anymore.
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she was the sun,
a wonderful and warm rain of light,
i always walked in her shadow,
hiding in dark corners away from her,
around her i was nothing,
as people looked to me; her pet.
i only loved her with all i was then and now.
i worshiped everything she was,
and now its time to give her a tearful good-bye kiss.
tell her to find a new lover and leave me; behind.
to live forever alone; with her memory.
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the blade lays on my skin,
the pressure feels so freeing,
like the whole world stops,
and it weeps for me.
as the little tear drops of blood,
push to the surface,
i feel joy and now i care,
before this i saw the world in darkness.
the dark coulds would float;
blocking the sun,
rainbows disappeared,
i felt no happiness,
didn't enjoy my favorite things.
now as the blood stains the floor,
and the burning cut seizes to hurt,
the knife falls; as i watch from the floor.
i finally can continue my fantsiy,
dying is like a drug to me,
so i'll fulfill my life.
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