Lunch was great today. I talked to Liz. She likes the same music I do. Which is the coolest. I'm going to repaint my nails either black or red. I can't wait til I go to the mall on my b-day. Nov. 16th. I really want "The Buzz" cds. Its 90s music which I love. I looked at some guy's cds at lunch. I love all of the songs on there too. I really am starting to like new bands and stuff. Its cool that I'm hanging out with people who actually have good taste in music. lol. And like some of the same songs as me. Of course I got that new cd with different songs on them by cradle of filth, kittie, my chemical romance, and HIM. I made a list of songs yesterday with a lot of different songs I want made into a cd. ummm... Sharon complained yesterday that I don't write enough about her. Well she's 7 mths pregnant. She's getting baby clothes from everyone. And she's going to RCC and that means she'll have more time with the baby when she's born. I can't wait b/c you know I'll spoil her. I really want a baby but noo b/c of my daddy. He'd kill me. And maybe even make me abort it. Which I can't do b/c I seen something on the internet about it and it disgust me. I can't even talk about it. Really gross. Anyway, back to Sharon. lol. Her and Kevin are doing good. She stays with him a lot since her mom is crazy. And over at Kevin's house is better for Sharon anyway. I'm still going to miss her at lunch but I sit with all those crazy-ass people so I'm good. But I'll only get to see her when she comes over or me and mom go get her. Stupid shit. Anyway... Back to what I was thinking about yesterday in night school. Wonder if I should quit smoking now. I don't I feel kinda bad since Daddy can't smoke anymore. I still can't believe the doc told him he'd only have 2 more yrs if he didn't quit smoking. That really scares me to death. B/c I really feel uncomfortable smoking around him. I don't know maybe it will be good for me to quit. But I am almost 18 so I could buy my own. I know I'll quit before I have any kids. So thats the most important thing about that. I think I'll smoke now and wait to quit smoking. I really want to be perfect for Dean. It seems stupid but I love having someone to want me and care for me. It feels good to be loved. I wish people would just not be so stupid. I know I act really immature but its really fun to me to feel like a kid again. Of course I realize I'm almost 18 but that doesn't mean I can't still act stupid sometimes. Which is need I remind you really fun! I'll continue to think of this shit. I love you, Dean!--