For those three yrs I knew what it was like to go hungry how food sickend me not the way my body looked after months and months of not feeding it. Sometimes I knew exactly why my head and stomach ached. I ignored it. I learned to ignore the pains. And then the 3rd year into it I began to have episodes where I would get dizzy and feel very weak so I'd drink water. But after a while that stopped working and I knew I had to just start eating before not eating killed me. So I'd eat until I threw up. Then I decided to slow down. I stopped it. I began eating all the time and then I gained the weight I had lost. That was a little over 2 years ago and now those same feelings are coming back. Not when I have to deal with cutting myself and now again I have to deal with anorexia. I hate myself for this. I feel so stupid. I'm almost getting to that point where I'm not hungry anymore. When your stomach can no longer make hunger noises b/c it learns that it doesn't work to make sounds b/c I just drink water to hide it. I even find myself wearing bigger clothes so I don't have to look at my healthy figure. I'm not fat at all. I'm about 26 in the waist. I don't have much to worry about but the fact that I stop being hungry and I'm not taking care of myself. I stop eating when I can't cut now. I'm replacing one self destructive behavior with another. That is stupid. Stupid me!!--