My thumb got cut today and I didn't do it. I was getting into my pool and putting the umbrella up. It bled a lot. I felt so distant and alone b/c I didn't do it myself. I felt like I shouldn't do normal things like put on a cute two piece bathing suit and go swimming. I don't feel wanted anywhere. Like I don't even belong. It sucks. Obviously I felt like shit. I took a nap today and wanted a lot of food. I need something more. It seems like my old cuts just disappear and thats the end of it. Like they didn't matter. Nothing really matters. Not anymore. I'm just crazy.... It sucks.--