Aug 8 2004 12:27 am I know I can't do anything right. But I thought maybe I'd start someday. Today just wasn't that day. I always hurt someone so its not anything new. I hate myself for that and I don't care much for living right about now. Just one more thing would proabley send me over the edge. It wouldn't take much for me to break. My s-dad said today (since I don't want to get my name changed like I thought I did) that obviously I'm not him daughter anymore. So I feel like I don't belong. Even if my name was changed I still wouldn't belong. I just feel so alone. Atleast mom still cares but no one else does. I don't even care about myself. He told me he's not signing anything anymore, he wouldn't pay for anything, in other words he is hurt and pissed off about my decision. I just feel more stupid. Well that just means I can cut as much as I want to and he would never notice. I cut a few more time on my wrist so now its about 20 or so cuts on my wrist. This time I actually had to stop myself. I can't hide all of them with my bracelets so I really just don't care anymore. No one can make me care about scarring or anything else anymore. Don't try to help me anymore! I don't want it. I don't really belong anywhere so if I pass this year I'll be gone. Even if I don't pass I'll drop out and leave. B/c I don't really feel wanted here anymore. I think I'll come back to see friends and my mom and grandma but thats it. It hurts so much that the man that raised me is that hurt b/c of me. I hate me. I don't deserve to cry. I don't deserve to hurt either. I only deserve to die. I've hurt too many people. This life isn't for me.--