April 19, 2004 7:39 pm Well I'm getting tired of every time someone is suppose to come get me or come over they just don't. Every time it happens it makes me feel like I'm nothing and no one should ever want to hang out with me or even talk to me. I used to love being hated and now I hate it as much as those used to hate me. I always think that maybe something came up and then I just want to cry b/c what if nothing came up and they just lied to me and don't really want to hang out with me. I just want to disappear sometimes. Or became invisible. That sounds better.I know I'll never be like everyone else and at times I only wish everyone would want to be like me. If only people could trade places with me so they'll see for once that I am depressed and life sucks. I know its lame to go around acting like that talking about "oh my god my life sucks." But its true for some. Marilyn Manson is the only way I can be myself his songs impower me. I can't explain it but I know it to be true. I'm reading the book Sweet Blood from the same author that wrote Blood and Chocolate. I love her books! I seem to get into her books like she writes them about me. In this book, Sweet Blood, that I'm reading her parents look at the vampire sites she has been on and then takes her computer away and wants her to see a strink. So typical. I really loved the other one by her Blood and Chocolate. I'm just going to put on something big and oversized and watch t.v. with mom. I hate when I feel this depressed. Everything seems to go wrong when I feel like this. I'm just going to watch t.v. and smoke those cigarettes to blacken my lungs maybe they'll just disappear. Or maybe not.--