I was there in the moment and I did nothing. I couldn't. Not that I wasn't feeling anything; I was feeling everything. But I'm still not ready for that. I kinda do wish I pretended like nothing was wrong but I didn't. I can't pretend anymore. I don't know how I'm going to get past this. Its been so long. I wish I could just forget about my fears and just do it. I think since I've pretended my whole life I can pretend I'm ok with it now. Of course I want to use protection. God, I'm glad it wasn't like last time. Dean told me he loved me and then I said I loved him too. I'm glad he wasn't like the other guy telling me if I did love I wouldn't have got scared. I know the other guy didn't care about me at all. I'm glad Dean didn't leave me there. He held me instead and made me feel better about it. It still kinda bothers me b/c I couldn't do it and I know he wanted too. My job has always been to please the guy. Never for him to do the same to me. I like it this way. When I'm ready I will. But I'm not ready yet!-- Me and Dean have been dating for 9 days now! From Beth(Dean's ex-g/f):native_princess_28370 (9/3/2004 4:45:03 PM): how bout this one for ya nuts hows my pussy taste bitch cause he was all in that shit when we was together and guess what not me but someone is gonna beat that ass tell Dean that one bitch