Is there anybody out there??? I feel like shouting out to the world, "Hey you out there, I need love!!!". I've been doing everything I can think of to find someone. I'm even going to church!...and ya'll know that's not me! I juzt want to find someone, someone older. I need to get out of here. I want to get married or move in with some hot older chick who wants me. I juzt want to be loved...although I still don't think that I can love anyone besides Kenndal. I know know that more than likely I will never have him again so I have to let that fanticy die along with so many others that we shared. Maybe my wanting to be with someone has something to do with wanting to make him jellious, but I also know it's not the only matter in this. I mean I do kinda want to tell him that I fucked Mark while I had his baby in me, but then again I know that I could never say that to him. I'm juzt not that type of person. Although he has treated me this way and our child this way I don't think I could ever say one mean word to him. He's still my Emperorr. He's still the only person that I've ever felt that way about. I consider him to be two different people; my love, who died the day he left for Virginia, and this asswhole that is in his place now. I know that I could never be with this person that is him now because I know that the real Kenndal would never want me to be with this person! All he ever wanted is for me to be happy and for us to be happy together. Now I have his child and I will be happy and I will find someone else to love me and I will alwayz pretend to love them as well if I have to. I have to put Kenndal in my past, I know that...but I need someone else to help me along first...well maybe not. Maybe I can do this all on my own. I know that I could if I had too, but I don't want to! Someone out there here my call!!!