Juzt sitting here listning to Papa Roach-Infest CD. Man this takes me back. This takes me way back, before Kenndal, before Adam, before anyone realy besides Megan. And God was she my world then! It's weard that this lonleiness that I feel now is almost the exact same lonlieness that I felt back then in the 6th grade. My room has become my santuary juzt like it was then when I was living with my Mama and all of them. It's hard to believe that all of that was about 6 years ago! And now Papa Roach has came out with a new CD and no matter how much I love the old one, it dosen't change the fact that the new CD is stupid, whinie, Emo shit! I use to worship them in 6th grade man! The realy fuckin let me down by the way they changed! Alot of things and people have let me down by the way that they have changed. I wonder if I'll ever get use to change. That's alwayz been one of my biggest problems is watching people and things change. I also have a bad habit of loving things and people for who they use to be and expecting them to still be the same person or thing. I also alwayz try to make people into their perfict selves. I can't help it! I love beauty and beauty is honesty and honesty is truth. Truth is all I ever wanted from anyone...well truth and love. So many people have filled my life with lies, that I know practically nothing about my life at all. There are so many lies, that I've frogotten how to remember. I don't know the truth about anything! And that hurts like a mother fucker! I guess that's why I desided to become a writer. But it alwayz seems that by the time I pick up the pen to write, I've already herd to many lies about it and I'm left with nothing but iemagination. I don't believe that I can remember one complete conversation that I've ever had with anyone...not even Kenndal. And you don't know how much that fuckin hurts, expecially now that I know that the real Kenndal and I will never speak again. God I hate myself for missing him so damn much! In the words of Papa Roach: "Never know, never know. Do I desirve what I've got?". I don't know what all of this is for. I wish there was an answer. I wish I knew if I was wrong or right; evil or good. I wanna know what side I'm on so I can be the best at what I am. I wanna be true. I wanna be me!