I don't know where my life is going right now. It seems like everything is okay. I have fuckin excellent grades, and I'm moving up fast in ROTC. It's juzt that I realy wish that someone was here for me. I realy fuckin wish that I had someone to love who would love me back. I know that I should fuckin hate Kenndal, but I juzt can't, no matter how hard I try. I still wish that he was here. I still wish that our dream was real. The funny thing is that it is real, he juzt can't realize that. I think he's been down so long that he's afraid to be truly happy. He can't except the fact that he could have everything that he ever wanted in a matter of seckonds if he came back to me. I still love him, I realy fuckin do! I guess it dosen't help when Mudvayne is playing either, considering that The End of All Things to Come was our CD. Nothing is going on between Nocole and I anymore. I kinda wish it was though, so that I could stop thinking about him. I'd rather be hurt by her, than by him. I guess because I truley believed that he would never hurt me. I miss her too still, but she isn't my everything. Yes, I love her! I love her like hell!, but I think that maybe any other beautiful girl would be able to put me under the same spell, and I would forget all about her for the moment. I guess the same way that I forgot about Meagan when I found Lindsey, and forgot about Linsey when I found Nicole. It's not the same way with Kenndal though, it never could be. There will never be another Kenndal for me. I'm not even looking. I don't even want another one. As much as I miss him, I'm not even sure if I want him back. Right now I juzt want a beautiful girl who I can love and who will love me back. I guess right now I want another Megan, Linsey, and Nicole. So...I'm getting bigger! I can't weight until I have Louie!!!!!!! December is comming up fast! My b-day is Sunday...so yea for me I guess...maybe my b-day present can be another love.