Bailey's and my conversation...by tha way read the last thing first and tha first last (from bottom to top in other words).,...the'll probably be more latter it's just the thought that i fucked up. that I wasted MY time while i had it. If i felt like ive lived out everything then mabe i could take it gracefuly. but im a fighter. and i dont like nothing setting the rules for me. and that includes time. but if i have lived everything out, and completed the cycle like everybody else has, then what is left? and why do i have to finnish the same as everyone else?? ----------------- Original Message ----------------- From: Alwayz be 2~getha 'cuz were both under tha Moon! Date: Apr 8, 2006 5:54 PM I don't realy know what to tell you baby girl except for that change can not be avoided...it only hurts if you fight it...so lundge foward! Fight it with the fact that your not fighting it...kinda like scl punk (or whatever tha movie was calle dlol) he was still the same in the end....but no one knew it but him. Juzt like me and you we're still the same....no one knows it but us. ----------------- Original Message ----------------- From: this is NOT where i parked my truck...or is it? Date: Apr 8, 2006 5:48 PM yea. i know that everyone has that one time by now. just that one time. ive seen it everywhere. but they seem content with theirs. adn you seem content with yours. but me, nah....mabe it's because im behind lock adn key so bad now. iim on pretty much homebound but it's driving me insane. Im stuck this way. we're both stuck in our own ways yea, but you pushed most of that away. an me....i dont even know. just that there aint really nothing to look forward to no more. ----------------- Original Message ----------------- From: Alwayz be 2~getha 'cuz were both under tha Moon! Date: Apr 8, 2006 3:00 PM Bailey, our lives are both over...but in our own ways. You'll never find "it" again without me no matter how hard you try with someone else or juzt with yourself...I'll never find "it" again because I've given it up. It wa swhat made my life and now it's over. It was what made your life and now it's over. I love you 4~alwayz.....yet it is over. We are different. It's never gonna be the same...Its their turn now. Take pleasure in the fact that their lives are about over too. The cycle will go on. ----------------- Original Message ----------------- From: this is NOT where i parked my truck...or is it? Date: Apr 8, 2006 11:10 AM I feel like im missing so much out of life and i just wanta die. Im never gonna be able to live my life like i want to. " do you recall?raised as G's, loc'ed out, and blazed th weed .get on tha roof,let's get smoked out and blaze with me. 2 in the morning and we still high asssed out screamin thug till i die before we passed out" My only time i had is over and it shouldnt be. Me adn danielle we had the best. But we wont ever again. We can't. She's fallen into that path that i never want to go down. She'll be out of skool soon adn then into the military. Jump into a job and as i see it life is over then. From then on when you start wat is expected you are stuck. Im all about living myself out and im not. And ive tried to. Sneak out and go to pockets, adn hang out wid everyone, but nothing feels the same anymore. It's like a drug. It feels good and worthwhile at the time, , then afterwards it feels like a waste of time. Behijnd this smile is everything you'll never understand. I don't even co mprehend it. I try to understand that those times of my life are over and move on. Cause I dont wanna have to cling on to just what used to be. And im on myspacwe looking at the next generation that i know. And i see our reflection. Everyone that was a part of me. Nikki Linton adn trey mcdonald and all their friends, girlfrinds, boyfriends, group pictures, poses, and i kno how they live and they happy. Yea, they in the 10th grade nopw tho and it'll be over soon. But that just makes me realize that my time is over. It's a complete replay. Everyone is a constant reminder of what used to be. And i dont kno how to have it back. Beasue you cant just make it like that, you cant try to have it that way it just has to happen but it's not. . ANd im steadily giving up adn growing more aware that it will never be. And i dont kno what to do. Nothing really makes me genuinly happy. Not how i live. anmd i always had to make it so it was. Mabe it's becvause im not in rockingham. Who knos. I sure as hell dont. And im sorry that i cant just go out adn hook up wid soimeone and then fall so much in love with them the very day, sorry that disgusts me. And as much as i want it all to stop, life goes on, adn it won't. Whether or not i live myself out or not. life will go onm either way. So my time is running out and what am i to do. wait? i dont know. ive tried to keep all this down. becasue if im all depressed adn sullen and the way i am then there could be no hope of it coming back, becasue then it really wouldnt. But now i thnk i just cant help but be that. ANd does that mean ive given up. Because if it does then soes that mean im done altogether. I dont know anything anymore. And i dont wanna die alone. Buts that how it will be. listening to : 2 pac: life goes on