"What you don't know will leave a scar. What you don't know has killed you so far. What you don't know is who you are."-El Nino I juzt thought I'd put that there because it seems to relate more than anything else, here lately. It seems I've juzt about forgotten what Kenndal's face looks like, and that's fuckin killing me!!!!!!! I'm racking my brain to try to remember, but he's not there anymore. I don't want to admit that I have to look at a picture to know what he looks like, so I'll keep my pictures hidden, and allow the memory of him to fade even further away. I don't even see him in my dreams now. I've forgotten his voice. The only thing, is that I still long for him! I still yearn to see him in my dreams, and to see his face and hear his voice, juzt as if he were here. I've given up on love. I know that I found it once with Kenndal, and that I'll never find it again, besides the love of my Louie. Louie's love is all I'll ever need now! I know that at first it will be hard as hell for us to get by, but we can make it! I know we can! I might have changed my plans a little for going into the military though, but I'm not sure. I might go the the Airforce Accademy for 4 years be4 joining, but I'm still not sure. I don't have all the facts together yet. The positive side to it is that after the 4 years, I would go in as an officer, and Louie would be almost 7yrs. old by then. But the down side to it is that we would have to struggle our asses off in the first 4 years, and if Kenndal and his family tried to gain coustity of Louie at that time, they might win, because I know that during those 4 years I wouldn't be able to make enough money to live anywhere besides the projects. I'd NEVER let ANYONE take Louie away from me though!!!!!!! So I don't have to worry about that! Plus after the 4 years, I'll be making like 6 figures! And I don't think that Kenndal would be the one trying to gain cousitity anyway. It would be either Amey or Ken that would try that shit, because they know Kenndal isn't worth shit, and they would end up ....more later