10/20/2005 So...things are going realy good! I'm kinda scaaired to say that though because I don't wont to ginks myself, so...knock on wood! My blood pressure was normal for two mornings in a row so I don't have to have Louie all that early it seems. Yea! Now he can be even more healthy! And another good thing going on, (which I probably can't take too much from), is that Nicole kissed me today! OMG! It felt sooo...fuckin good!!! The tension was fuckin killing me every time we hugged today. I keep looking at her in the eyes and she kept giving me that look. I would not kiss her no matter how damn beautiful and tempting she was, because I didn't wanna look desperate for her again, even though that's exactley what I am. But...then she kissed me! I can't believe it. I love her so fuckin much! But like I said, I won't let myself get my hopes up. She's supose to come stay with me Saturday, but I'm not even gonna believe that until it happens. I juzt don't wanna get hurt again. I'm gonna try not to look too desperate, or look like I'm being to standoffish. I'm juzt gonna try to be normal and if she does come over than hopefully she'll wanna be wid me again,but no matter what I'm not gonna ask her out again! God it would be a fuckin dream come true to have HER ask me out though. Damn it would feel sooo...good to be with her again!!!!!!! She's sooo...fuckin beautiful! I fuckin love being with her almost as much as I love her, herself. 10/22/2005 I'm through with Nicole! Fuck that bitch and all of her dramma and constant lies! I don't need that shit and I'm not gonna take it from her. She fuckin killed it with me today with all of her damn stupid ass lies. I mean hell, she's not all that anymore anyway. She is no where near as beautiful as she use to be and she's being a bitch also. So what tha fuck would I want with a fat bitch anyway? Why tha hell take her shit anymore, when all of her lies and dramma has drove me to the point where I don't love her anymore, and don't care at all about her? The answer is that I'm not! I'm sick of being her fuckin toy and I'm not gonna take her shit anymore! Fuck that! I have too many important things going on in my life right now to deal with her stupid shit anyway! I won't give that bitch another chance to lie to me again. She's fucked herself over, and I can't weight until she realizes that! Once all of her "Human Toys" are gone, she'll have no one and then she'll truly feel the pain that she's been causing everyone else. It's time for her to fuckin wake up and feel the pain, feel the lonieleyness, and feel the knoladge slipping through her mind, letting her know that she has thrown the only person away who has ever given a shit about her. I hope that days comes soon for her, and by the looks of things now,...it will!