This is some pages from my personal diary, that I don't show anyone lol...but I seem to be showing whoever reads this. It talks about how sometimes I get scaired that James dosen't love me because no one has ever realy loved me before but in the end, no matter what, I know that his love for me is true. The only love that I ever had, before James, was coated with Fantiacy. I'm not use to reality love, and sometimes it makes me think that he dosen't realy love me because my reality has alwayz been fantaisy. I've come to realizt though, that I like being awake. Knowing truth is bliss, as long as I have him. It also concludes the pages to a major chapter in my book of life...goodbye forever Kenndal. 4/14/06 I don't think he loves me, and I can't fuckin breath without him. I'm sick of feeling pain. James dosen't want to be with me as much as everyone else did. I love James for who he is, but I want him to love me and need me the way Kenndal did. I need him back so fuckin bad! Why can't he juzt fuckin leave my mind? I love James so fuckin much! I juzt want him to want to give up everything for me and Louie. I want him to need me more than he's ever needed anything. I want him to need me as I need him. I want him to live in a fanitaisy world with me and not care about anything or anyone else. I want him to fuckin truly love me, the way I love him. I want James to need me for his own survival. I want to be not only his heart, but his everything!I want to be his all! I want him to die without me and be in heaven when he is around me, as I am with him. I liked the way he looked when he was scaired that I was gonna die from alchol poisening. It felt good to know that my pain hurt him, that he needed me to life, so that he could continue to breath. I want him to hold me and never let go! I want to die in his arms with Louie in mine. I want James to love me with all he has and all that he will ever have. I want to be his only everything! 4/16/06 I was completly wrong! James does love me!!! He shows it by everything that he says as well as does. I know that he loves Louie too! I have given up on Kenndal. I don't want him anymore! I don't need him anymore! I hope he has a good life. I don't love him. I don't hate him. Goodbye Dark Emperorr. I now have a new life with a new love. Louie and James are my all! Goodbye forever, Love. This is the last thing that I will ever write about you. Goodbye Kenndal. And now it's over!