I don't want to be alone...I feel so alone. I've alwayz felt alone for some reason all of my life. I know that I juzt saw James yesterday, but that dosen't seem to matter. I need him now and I want him now! I guess deep dowm I'm nothing more than a selfish, spoiled little girl. i don't care though, because at least I'm his little girl. We haven't realy been talking too much here lately and that's kind of scarry...but I know it's juzt because we don't realy have that much time to be together...I know, without a doubt that it will all work out soon though...and yet it seems like such a long weight. I never thought that I'm make it past 16 years old...I guess these next months will tell if I was right. I swair I hope that I was wrong though. I know that I actually have a chance to be happy...to have the family that i've alwayz longed for, to be free from the pain of living and yet still be alive. I don't know...maybe I've alwayz been mistaken about the feeling. Maybe it's not the actual death of myself as a situation that has been looming around the corner, but maybe there sitting pationently, is my happieness and the death of my presently deeply hated situation. I juzt want to be with my family. There was never another before James, and there will never be another after. He is my everything. He completly abolishes and replaces my past and gives me a beautiful present and hope for an even more beautiful future. It hurts me so bad for Louie and James to be seperated this long...and I know that it is killing them both as well. I try my best not to bring it up to James but it hurts so bad! Hopefully by next weekend though, we will all be able to go out because James will have his licens and insurence...God I prey so! Every since I got Daddy locked up we haven't been able to see eachother besides at school and when we manage to skip, (which we can't anymore), and Louie isn't even getting to see his Daddy at all! It's so hard right now but I know that with the help of God, and with the love and strength that our family holds, we will be out of this shitty situation in no time. Well anymawayz..., I guess I've talked enough lol. I love Louie and James 4~alwayz!!!!!!!