Let's go back to the beginning When we first met each other and got to know each other, I was his one and only friend. Everybody hated him. They thought he was "strange", but I found him to be the coolest kid ever. A little different, but absolutley incredible. He came to me with everything. Even when he had his girl trouble with Natalie. We put so much trust in each other. Everyone thought we were wierd. They wouldn't talk to us during practice, or during dry-land. Only when we weren't together did they show any interest in us as people, as team-mates, as friends. He game me a nickname, it was "The Energizer Bunny". He gave it to me because of swimming, he said that I kept going and going and going. I hated that name at the time [still do I guess] and everytime he called me that I told him to shut up. He likes to remind me of it, and how much it "devastated" him. :) My nickname for him was "jibblet". Even now I'm not sure why I called him that. Just one of those random things that we will never figure out. After a while we began to like each other. He asked me out, ya know..the way you do when you're still in middle school. We were playing pool. I said "yes", and as I was walking down the stairs at the SA, I realized that he was moving to Oregon for a year. I walked back up and said I couldn't do it. I would never see him, it would be to hard, it wasn't worth it. I remember him looking at me with big, beautiful reproachful eyes, and I just...turned around and walked away, back down those curvy stair. We went out for approximatley 10 minutes and 31 seconds. Yes. I counted. And so he left. I only saw him for a couple weeks during the summers when he came back and swam on the Marlins. And then came the year that he came back and we ended up working at the same job. The Aquatic Center. We spent everyday or night together. It started just as friends but as time went by, we never wanted to be apart. He always called, I was always waiting. I remember just sitting in my car one night. Talking about marriage and life, and.....everything else that we happened to think of. The windows were rolled all the way down and the trees were blowing slightly, making a whispering nose. The trees were talking to each other. I don't know what it was...but.... everything seemed beautiful and clean and everything that I wanted life to be. It felt good, to sit there, a cool breeze flowing throughout the car and simply be talking, enjoying each others company. It was wonderful. Another night I remember invovles the slide. I think I've mentioned it about 3-4 times on this thing. I can't get over how incredible and romantic it was. We walked up to the park, we held pinkies, and he softly sang to me. The streetlights made the road look orange. The night was clear, the stars were so bright, the breeze was warm. I sat on a swing, he came up behind me and pushed me. I laughed and smiled. At one point he told me to come lay on the cool, damp grass with him. I went. We looked up the stars and he told me everything that he knew about them, which unsurprisingly was alot. He talked and talked and talked. I love listening to him. He made me want to know more, to understand more. I leaned over on my side and looked down at him, he gazed up and smiled in a playful, almost secretive fashion. We played on the slide, and while laying at the bottom, he leaned over, his hand was running through my sick chlorinated hair, I guess he didn't mind....and then... He kissed me. Yes, my first kiss and I haven't had one since then. That was 2 years ago. Some may call that pathetic but.....I don't know. I get a sense of pride when I think about it. *shrugs* After this one amazingly perfect 1st time kiss, he leaned back and with a soft sigh smiled at me. I didn't know what to say, it was completley unexpected. I gave him a nervous smile and looked away. He asked me what was wrong, and if I was ok. I looked back up and smiled a geniune smile this time , I said I was perfectly fine. We layed there for awhile, holding hands just listening to nature. It was so dark. So peaceful. And then the day he left last summer. August 15th. I went to the pool, he was leaving at 2 in the morning the next day. He was waiting when I got there. I tried to say goodbye but I couldn't get it out. He pulled me into his arms and held me there for awhile. It was painful to think that I couldn't..... wouldn't see him for 6 months. It was hard not to cry, and I ended up just breathing hard into his chest, and everytime I did he would pull me closer, I couldn't breathe....I didn't want to leave. It was about the hardest thing that I have ever had to deal with, have him, the 1st person that I actually let myself love, leave me. The drive away from the pool got me. I cried the whole way home, and when I got there I went up to my room and cried some more. I. despise. crying. He came back though, things were different, they still are. But he came back, and once again I felt free. And now he's leaving, for 6 years. I didn't get the chance to say 'I love you" one last time, or hug him once more. I didn't say all the things that I wanted to, and now he's gone and I most likely won't see him for a very long time, if ever again. I just didn't think that it would hurt this much. Nothing has ever hurt this much.