I talk, laugh, and flirt with almost everyone that I hang out with. It's great fun, and I mean...I like teasing and being teased....it's obvious that I enjoy laughing... ...it's always fun in the moment, but as soon as I get away from it all...whether that's simply driving home by myself or coming home and going up to my domain....I just get sad and depressed. It's not like it's real fun, it's all a farce, this act that I put on so that no one gets the idea that wow......I might not be exactly happy right now. But if I'm not happy then automatically I'm suicidal and dangerous.. I hate this valley. Alright that's a lie. I hate the people in the valley, in this state....here. I can't wait to get out of here in Februrary, it won't be permanent this time unfortunatley, but at least it's something to look forward to. No one thinks that I can make it. My parents laughed at me, someone is always so pessimistic, and everyone keeps saying that I should take more days off and go to Jackson Hole with everyone because it's our last "senior summer" together... Whatever. Jackson...or Italy? Definitley Italy, I can see jackson any time I want. And maybe yeah I won't see the posse as much after this summer, but it would be ok as long as I got to see Guido. Is that horrible? It's like everyone's trying to make it rain on my parade by bringing up all these other stupid things.....they're all so discouraging They keep saying "its 8 months away". Like I don't know that? I'm counting down for god's sake. But it's the work that I put in now that's going to count. I can't be scraping up money to go in January, and it's not going to be one of those trips that I leave and come back with absolutley no money in the bank...no.. It's going to be one of those trips that I leave, and come back with at least $6,000 dollars in the bank. Sure, it's going to suck for a while. I'm going to be like this ...workaholic, and I'll probably have a crappy job on the side like...Information Alliance...but I know that in the end it's going to pay off. They'll see. They'll see that I was right. I'm going places. And when people try and discourage me...well. it just makes me more determined any how. They can get stuck here, living their monotenous lives and I'll be off galavanting across the country whenever and where ever I please. I wish I had someone to talk to. K, that's a lie. I wish Guido was here to talk to.