i just dont want you to get hurt. and i sat there on my couch with the phone to my right ear and told him i know, that wont happen and i was lying to myself, and to him. i'm setting myself up. i'm setting myself up and i know it, but i cant stop it. that's how i am. two days in a row i go to the other boy's house and it makes me happy, like REAL happyness. this isnt right. this isnt healthy. then we were done talking and i hung up the phone and my bed looked so inviting. i crawled upon it and pulled the covers over me. just a few moments, just close my eyes and rest for a few moments. i woke up four hours later, my room was dark, and my cell phone was ringing with nicole on the other line. i dont like falling asleep in light and waking in dark. i was wide awake. i remember my dream. i wish i didnt. now i'm tired again. nothing makes sense. -amanda