this is the end. she is leaving today. i would be excited if i was her. i would be sad if i was her. i hope she has a better life. i'm not happy about this. i'm not happy about that fact that he's hurting. other thoughts. other moments. i want to feel what she is feeling. what she is feeling for someone else. what someone else is feeling for her. why...why cant i have that now? i've blocked that thought from my mind. i've blocked that thought and emotion of need out of my heart and mind and soul. i'm needing someone? maybe not need, but it's EXTREME want. desire. terrible. i would like to find someone. find a human that i dont have to hide my feelings from. i would like to confess. i would like to shut up. holy shit i'm pathetic. terrible. other thoughts. i keep messing up. father tells me i keep messing up. i dont know why, but i'm having EXTREME problems. umm motivation problems. i cant get anything done. i like laying down and staring at the dark wall. the bed is comfortable and the glow of the TV lights the room slightly. i enjoy these moments, right before sleep takes hold. slowly losing conciousness. breathing slows. body relaxes. eyes close. reality slips away. the covers are warm and welcoming. the worries of today begin to drown. the worries of tomorrow are post-poned. sleep. -amanda