"why havent you tried?" she turned her head and looked at him accusingly. he gave a nervous laugh and shook his head, shrugging. "you don't know." this whole scene played out infront of me, and yet i was apart of it. it was me sitting there, leaning against the tough wall, knees pulled up as far as they could go, staring hard at the parking lot lights. i don't know if i told you i would tell you. i felt like nothing, like i was trying to converse with someone i didn't know very well. someone who didn't know me. someone i had to be careful with. someone i never ever slept with. fuck him. i look in the mirror and blink roughly. i almost feel startled. my mouth feels melded shut, like i couldn't open it, even if i wanted to. it looks dark around my eyes and lips. i remember when my stomach didn't bother me like this. i don't know how i can do this. this whole thing. stay awake all fucking night every fucking night. sleep until one in the afternoon every fucking day. i hate it. i'm clenching my teeth over and over and it slowly gives me a headache.