how are things? i feel unwild. i feel a bit like that dolphin that i met at seaworld. he's always smiling but i wonder how he feels sharing this not-so-huge tank with a bunch of other dolphins that look just like him. maybe he's fine. maybe he's happy. but i'd rather be swimming in the ocean, jumping really high in the air. but if i could have any superhuman power i'd want to fly. i have dreams where i'm being chased and i try to fly and i just cant do it. i jump in the air and i feel like wendy in peter pan when she's losing the happy thoughts and she cant stay in the air. it's amazing how quickly the happy thoughts just dissolve and you're left there shaking and breathing hard. peter pan is amazing. i had another dream with him waiting for me at the window, this huge window. i couldnt see his face, more like his shadow that he couldnt get to stick back onto him. i wish i was peter pan. maybe. is delphine a name? i never could figure out how to pronounce it. or, i guess i could pronounce it, but it doesnt sound very lovely in my head. it doesnt look very lovely either. forget i asked. i'm not a caged animal. how dare i compare myself to that. i'm sitting here in this room without the will to move, that's myself causing my captivity. that's myself causing everything. every thought. every feeling. just tell me, how do i shut it off? just the negative. because existing is enjoyable. most of the time. and that's how things are. they just are.