i dont like april fools. it just hurts too much. hey fellows lets make a day where we hurt each others feelings! i'm glad he came over and i'm glad i'm feeling numb toward the stupidity of so many. feeling numb means i dont have to feel anything...not the joy or the pain. i really dont like people right now. they hurt. i dont want to hurt. and i'm sorry if you know me, and i'm writing this. that's why i didnt want people i know to know i had this...i dont hate you, i just... i'm in one of those odd moods. i really love sitting with you, yes you, and talking and watching a movie about lesbians... i want to finish that by the way. i dont know. i just feel let down. let downs. they suck. "you should have been there amanda. if you were there i wouldnt have done anything." what the fuck? this is how i translate that: "i did something stupid amanda, so i'm blaming your absense on it." that fucking hurts. like...poking me in the eye with a pin, but i dont feel it...yet. i'm sick of the let downs.