i dont really mean any of this, but it's almost like i dont want to have friends anymore. like it's a hassle, or annoying, or all i feel like doing is laying in my bed watching movies. the same movies, over and over again. but not really watching them. putting them on and ignoring them because i dont need to watch them anymore, i know them so well. i know them so very well. all i feel like doing is day dreaming and wondering. wondering who's going to call me and when are they going to call me? i leave my room, i leave my cell phone places where i wont hear a phone call. i love missed calls. i love missed calls lately. i love missed calls more than received calls or text messages or voice-mails. i never return them either. barely ever do i return a missed call. i just like knowing someone tried to contact me, and then i like pretending i never knew. i can't get to bed. i'm sure i could fall asleep when i want, but i always push it. it's almost three am, i'm still awake. still awake, sitting here in the dark, a movie on in the background. i woke up at two o'clock pm today. two o'clock. i'm in a waste away zone